Amid the hustle and bustle...

I have tried to stay busy the last couple of weeks. With Christmas so close I've had plenty of things to keep me going. I did two Christmas angels again this year. One at the tribal office, a little girl, age six, and a boy thru the SA tree at KMart, a boy, age nine. I had done so much shopping at the last minute that finances were tight after I did the two angels. But, with frugal watching we made it to payday. Thank God! Whew! Most years I do my shopping over several months or weeks and that keeps the cost from blowing us out of the water. This year that just didn't happen.

I baked three small loaves and two large loaves of pumpkin bread on Monday. I took the three down to the SPD for the officers on all three shifts. I sent a large one to work with hubby and sent one home with my sister for her family. She works full time at the hospital and I know she has so little free time for baking. It made her so happy. She said she wasn't sure if she was gonna share with the family or not. lol

At the moment I have two more large loaves in the oven, and mix ready for the three small ones. I will do a cherry cobbler later and take the two larges loaves and cobbler to the SA dinner for residents tomorrow. :) It makes me feel good to do this as they don't even have homes, so a home baked dessert may make the holidays a little brighter in their hearts. I hope. The three little loaves will be distributed according to hubby's family rank. lol

Over Thanksgiving, daughter and I baked some goodies and took them to SA for the dinner there. We agreed we will do this annually in memory of her (paternal) Grandma Pug. She was such a great cook and baker. Her greatest joy was doing Sunday dinner for her family. She was a great example of a dying breed. Who cooks Sunday dinners anymore? Well, now my daughter does. :) My daughter was such a loving granddaughter to her. She went every Sunday that she possibly could and in the last months of her grandmas life she would scrub the bathroom every Sunday. Or, pick up prescriptions and such. All the family drama that occurred when she died has really been heartbreaking for my girl.

I did the same kind of stuff the last years of my step-moms life. When they are gone, it sure leaves a big hole in your heart, and in your life when you get used to being there for someone. But, I know from my own experience that in time, my daughter will come to cherish her memories, and the memories will sustain her. Right now the grief is so hard for her. This will be the first Christmas without a big DO at grandmas.

So, I am not having dinner. Dinner will be at her house. I know she feels a little overwhelmed because she is stressed. Not only that she works a very demanding full time job. But, I will do a good portion of the cooking and that will ease her burden. I think it will do her good to be at home, and experience the thrills and frustrations of a big DO at home. It will help her to take her first steps in following...

gotta take bread out of oven... timer is going off...

OK, last three in the oven.

in following in her grandmas and my footsteps. She does dinners large and small all the time but has been very hesitant about turkey and dressing. It is time. :) I know part of the reason is that grandma made the best dressing in the free world. But, she watched her often enough I know she can do it. With practice she can perfect and carry on. I make very good dressing but not the same as her grandma. I found my own variation years ago. We all do.

Tomorrow I will make my pumpkin pies and one pecan pie for Christmas dinner at her house.

I have rambled and babbled here to pass the time. My eyes are a bit blurry, but I just try to stay occupied. Idle hands and all that. lol For me it is an idle brain that causes so much trouble.

The bright spot in my days is knowing my son will be here, he is driving in for a couple hours on Christmas day. Oh, how I have missed him running in and out of here. But, he is so happy in his new home and the life they are building in Texas. They will run from house to house to try and visit all the relatives on both sides. :)

I don't know if I will get to see BoBo, but, I just keep praying for his health and safety. When the battle between fear and faith hits, or my vivid imagination goes into overload, I pray or read my Bible. My God is Able!

So, as the battle between good and evil continues to rage in the lives of all my loved ones, I just keep praying and trying to walk in faith.

December drivel...

Been running in circles. Had a major drama unfold just before the Thanksgiving holiday that left me reeling. Still trying to make a comeback from this situation. Baby Mama came to my house to pick up BoBo and proceeded to give me a tongue lashing for what she said was "telling her how to discipline her child." It was so bad. I tried to deal with it by being quiet for a couple minutes and then told her not to talk to me. She kept on and I kept telling her not to talk to me, and I finally lost my patience and told her to "shut up". She kept mouthing off and it escalated and I told her repeatedly to get out of my house. Now, I have not seen BoBo since then. This is a very short version of the whole crazy incident. A couple months ago Mommy and Daddy got back together and I am no longer the much treasured babysitter. They are ready to play house again, and that means my dear sweet BoBo becomes the little soldier. It breaks my heart. I must continually turn it over to God in prayer and it has been a rough month.

I have been told by Daddy when I Apologize to her we can make peace. But, I cannot accept the disrespect and be treated this way. I know if I aploigize it will set a pattern and she will be rolling over me from now on. She was so hateful and rude until I made her leave. And even then she was ranting as she went down the driveway.

AS for the holidays, I went through the shopping and wrapping process. I am joyful about my Savior but am too torn to be merry about all the hoopla. We have not put up a tree. It seems silly when there are no small children around to enjoy it. It has been so hard for my daughter to as they have placed her right in the middle. Since her grandma died she has grieved so much. WE have been clinging to each other through this ordeal. It would have been wonderful to have others of faith to turn to for both of us. Most of our families, including our husbands are not faithful in going to church or in their spiritual walk. We both have come to realize that a womens ministy would be so important at a time like this. It has made us stop and realize what we are missing in such a support system. I dread to think what life would be like for her without me and what my life would be like without her. I hope we can find a way to move into the future through all the drama. Like I say, I pray.

I got up this morning at 1:00a.m. as I could not sleep. Worry took over so I prayed and then I got into a Bible study of Angels. I am amazed at all the scripture there is where God used Angelic messengers and forces to deal with his children. It is odd how you can read something over and over and miss something important.

Lately I have found things in scripture that I never noticed before. Perhaps it is growth in my walk, or that I am ready as never before. Time will tell... I will post some insights in a blog later to follow up on these moments of Bible study. It keeps me sane and helps with the strength of my faith to stay in the word.