December drivel...

Been running in circles. Had a major drama unfold just before the Thanksgiving holiday that left me reeling. Still trying to make a comeback from this situation. Baby Mama came to my house to pick up BoBo and proceeded to give me a tongue lashing for what she said was "telling her how to discipline her child." It was so bad. I tried to deal with it by being quiet for a couple minutes and then told her not to talk to me. She kept on and I kept telling her not to talk to me, and I finally lost my patience and told her to "shut up". She kept mouthing off and it escalated and I told her repeatedly to get out of my house. Now, I have not seen BoBo since then. This is a very short version of the whole crazy incident. A couple months ago Mommy and Daddy got back together and I am no longer the much treasured babysitter. They are ready to play house again, and that means my dear sweet BoBo becomes the little soldier. It breaks my heart. I must continually turn it over to God in prayer and it has been a rough month.

I have been told by Daddy when I Apologize to her we can make peace. But, I cannot accept the disrespect and be treated this way. I know if I aploigize it will set a pattern and she will be rolling over me from now on. She was so hateful and rude until I made her leave. And even then she was ranting as she went down the driveway.

AS for the holidays, I went through the shopping and wrapping process. I am joyful about my Savior but am too torn to be merry about all the hoopla. We have not put up a tree. It seems silly when there are no small children around to enjoy it. It has been so hard for my daughter to as they have placed her right in the middle. Since her grandma died she has grieved so much. WE have been clinging to each other through this ordeal. It would have been wonderful to have others of faith to turn to for both of us. Most of our families, including our husbands are not faithful in going to church or in their spiritual walk. We both have come to realize that a womens ministy would be so important at a time like this. It has made us stop and realize what we are missing in such a support system. I dread to think what life would be like for her without me and what my life would be like without her. I hope we can find a way to move into the future through all the drama. Like I say, I pray.

I got up this morning at 1:00a.m. as I could not sleep. Worry took over so I prayed and then I got into a Bible study of Angels. I am amazed at all the scripture there is where God used Angelic messengers and forces to deal with his children. It is odd how you can read something over and over and miss something important.

Lately I have found things in scripture that I never noticed before. Perhaps it is growth in my walk, or that I am ready as never before. Time will tell... I will post some insights in a blog later to follow up on these moments of Bible study. It keeps me sane and helps with the strength of my faith to stay in the word.