Amid the hustle and bustle...

I have tried to stay busy the last couple of weeks. With Christmas so close I've had plenty of things to keep me going. I did two Christmas angels again this year. One at the tribal office, a little girl, age six, and a boy thru the SA tree at KMart, a boy, age nine. I had done so much shopping at the last minute that finances were tight after I did the two angels. But, with frugal watching we made it to payday. Thank God! Whew! Most years I do my shopping over several months or weeks and that keeps the cost from blowing us out of the water. This year that just didn't happen.

I baked three small loaves and two large loaves of pumpkin bread on Monday. I took the three down to the SPD for the officers on all three shifts. I sent a large one to work with hubby and sent one home with my sister for her family. She works full time at the hospital and I know she has so little free time for baking. It made her so happy. She said she wasn't sure if she was gonna share with the family or not. lol

At the moment I have two more large loaves in the oven, and mix ready for the three small ones. I will do a cherry cobbler later and take the two larges loaves and cobbler to the SA dinner for residents tomorrow. :) It makes me feel good to do this as they don't even have homes, so a home baked dessert may make the holidays a little brighter in their hearts. I hope. The three little loaves will be distributed according to hubby's family rank. lol

Over Thanksgiving, daughter and I baked some goodies and took them to SA for the dinner there. We agreed we will do this annually in memory of her (paternal) Grandma Pug. She was such a great cook and baker. Her greatest joy was doing Sunday dinner for her family. She was a great example of a dying breed. Who cooks Sunday dinners anymore? Well, now my daughter does. :) My daughter was such a loving granddaughter to her. She went every Sunday that she possibly could and in the last months of her grandmas life she would scrub the bathroom every Sunday. Or, pick up prescriptions and such. All the family drama that occurred when she died has really been heartbreaking for my girl.

I did the same kind of stuff the last years of my step-moms life. When they are gone, it sure leaves a big hole in your heart, and in your life when you get used to being there for someone. But, I know from my own experience that in time, my daughter will come to cherish her memories, and the memories will sustain her. Right now the grief is so hard for her. This will be the first Christmas without a big DO at grandmas.

So, I am not having dinner. Dinner will be at her house. I know she feels a little overwhelmed because she is stressed. Not only that she works a very demanding full time job. But, I will do a good portion of the cooking and that will ease her burden. I think it will do her good to be at home, and experience the thrills and frustrations of a big DO at home. It will help her to take her first steps in following...

gotta take bread out of oven... timer is going off...

OK, last three in the oven.

in following in her grandmas and my footsteps. She does dinners large and small all the time but has been very hesitant about turkey and dressing. It is time. :) I know part of the reason is that grandma made the best dressing in the free world. But, she watched her often enough I know she can do it. With practice she can perfect and carry on. I make very good dressing but not the same as her grandma. I found my own variation years ago. We all do.

Tomorrow I will make my pumpkin pies and one pecan pie for Christmas dinner at her house.

I have rambled and babbled here to pass the time. My eyes are a bit blurry, but I just try to stay occupied. Idle hands and all that. lol For me it is an idle brain that causes so much trouble.

The bright spot in my days is knowing my son will be here, he is driving in for a couple hours on Christmas day. Oh, how I have missed him running in and out of here. But, he is so happy in his new home and the life they are building in Texas. They will run from house to house to try and visit all the relatives on both sides. :)

I don't know if I will get to see BoBo, but, I just keep praying for his health and safety. When the battle between fear and faith hits, or my vivid imagination goes into overload, I pray or read my Bible. My God is Able!

So, as the battle between good and evil continues to rage in the lives of all my loved ones, I just keep praying and trying to walk in faith.

December drivel...

Been running in circles. Had a major drama unfold just before the Thanksgiving holiday that left me reeling. Still trying to make a comeback from this situation. Baby Mama came to my house to pick up BoBo and proceeded to give me a tongue lashing for what she said was "telling her how to discipline her child." It was so bad. I tried to deal with it by being quiet for a couple minutes and then told her not to talk to me. She kept on and I kept telling her not to talk to me, and I finally lost my patience and told her to "shut up". She kept mouthing off and it escalated and I told her repeatedly to get out of my house. Now, I have not seen BoBo since then. This is a very short version of the whole crazy incident. A couple months ago Mommy and Daddy got back together and I am no longer the much treasured babysitter. They are ready to play house again, and that means my dear sweet BoBo becomes the little soldier. It breaks my heart. I must continually turn it over to God in prayer and it has been a rough month.

I have been told by Daddy when I Apologize to her we can make peace. But, I cannot accept the disrespect and be treated this way. I know if I aploigize it will set a pattern and she will be rolling over me from now on. She was so hateful and rude until I made her leave. And even then she was ranting as she went down the driveway.

AS for the holidays, I went through the shopping and wrapping process. I am joyful about my Savior but am too torn to be merry about all the hoopla. We have not put up a tree. It seems silly when there are no small children around to enjoy it. It has been so hard for my daughter to as they have placed her right in the middle. Since her grandma died she has grieved so much. WE have been clinging to each other through this ordeal. It would have been wonderful to have others of faith to turn to for both of us. Most of our families, including our husbands are not faithful in going to church or in their spiritual walk. We both have come to realize that a womens ministy would be so important at a time like this. It has made us stop and realize what we are missing in such a support system. I dread to think what life would be like for her without me and what my life would be like without her. I hope we can find a way to move into the future through all the drama. Like I say, I pray.

I got up this morning at 1:00a.m. as I could not sleep. Worry took over so I prayed and then I got into a Bible study of Angels. I am amazed at all the scripture there is where God used Angelic messengers and forces to deal with his children. It is odd how you can read something over and over and miss something important.

Lately I have found things in scripture that I never noticed before. Perhaps it is growth in my walk, or that I am ready as never before. Time will tell... I will post some insights in a blog later to follow up on these moments of Bible study. It keeps me sane and helps with the strength of my faith to stay in the word.

What a time of heartbreak!~

My kids paternal grandma got sick and the last month has been a nightmare. She passed away last Saturday. Our friends David and Diann had a son named Dee and he died last week of a brain aneurysm. The funeral was Thursday. Last Sunday night my nephew (19 yrs old) committed suicide. The funeral was this week. His mom is so sickly and very near her own time as it is and this was almost the final straw for her. Neighbors down the road from the store lost their son too and his funeral was last Saturday. It seems like I cooked food day and night this last week for funerals or to send to the hospital waiting room. By Sunday this week I was on crash and burn.

Grandma Pug's funeral is this Thursday. I just keep praying my way thru it all.

The computer crashed yesterday. Been having problems with it. Took it to the Shawnee Computer Hospital late yesterday. The guys there are so awesome. The had it ready to go at 7:30a.m. this morning. There were grandma pictures on there that my daughter wanted for the funeral collage. I got the puter home and emailed the pics to her so she has them now. Whew. SCH techo guys told me I probably need to upgrade to a new computer tower. I will no longer do the Facebook/Twitter social networking. It is far to easy to get hit by a virus. This is the third crash we've had to deal with in the last 9 months.

I draw strength in all this heartbreak from the knowledge that There is a God. That there is a heaven and that Jesus saves. I am so thankful for that spiritual confidence and I am so blessed to know that my son and my daughter and my grandchildren are Christian's. They are not as active in church as they should be, but, Oh, "thank God", the are praying people and children. They could not have survived all this without him. The other members of Grandma's family are really struggling with this loss.

~Native Americans~

Native Americans

We once roamed the plains, mountains and hills
Deer, Buffalo, and Antelope, our food to kill
Rivers, creeks, ponds and lakes
water free for all to take
Brother Bear his fur kept us warm
Buckskin dressing on legs and arms
Our dwellings were made from such as this
Fires would warm us into sweet bliss
Wood carried loads down rutted trails
along with babies, and elders who ailed
It gave us spears, bows and arrows
Crafted to be light, slim and narrow
Trees provided more than fire
treated with care never sold for hire
Children were taught to cherish the old
keeping them warm and out of the cold
Elders who taught us Dignity well
lessons to keep us from being shells
Great Spirit was always worshipped and praised
for peace and contentment, no social craze
We credited him with honor and thanks
Land it was valued as home for all
So many trees majestic and tall
All Creation lived in the world we knew
Her Bounty was shared not by a few
Mother, Daughter, Father, Son
lived in harmony with nature as One,
Creatures then were free to run
Now we race from work to bank
Joining the frong of social rank
Lessons we learned from our New Brother
forgetting that we knew the Other.
It saddens this world and tears at the heart
what is it we are as we all live apart
Brother, sister, it’s time to make a new start

Shirley F. Haley
Absentee Shawnee Tribe of Oklahoma
September 2006

My God is Able!~

‎19. Then they cry unto the LORD in their trouble, and he saveth them out of their distresses. 20. He sent his word, and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions. (King James Version)

I am standing on his promises. Believing his word in all things. My husband, my children, my grandchildren and my great grandchild. The grand kids have had their share of drama and crisis lately. My second to oldest grandson was jumped from behind while sitting in his seat in class last week. Both boys ended up in ER. The attacker was suspended for only three days. He is now back in school. I pray for the guidance in the life of my boys. Youngest grandson was with me at the doctor for a much needed asthma/allergy shot when the incident happened. The same day my oldest grandson headed for the doctor as he was coughing blood. My granddaughter is having problems with annoying health issues too. BoBo has had an off and on rash lately. He has been moving with his mama and there has been drama. My babies, my babies. My God is Able!~

The Apostolic Life by David K. Bernard

The Apostolic Life by David K. Bernard was a fascinating and very informative book. I learned so much and this book answered so many questions. I came away with a clearer understanding of the differences in trinitarian and oneness beliefs for one thing. This was the kind of book that after each chapter I had to take time to think it over and process the reading material. Chapters in this book included information on Science and Scripture, Evangelism, Ministry, Outreach, roles of women in church and so forth. There were chapters here that did not apply to me personally, but the reading was still very interesting. The areas that I found to be useful for me on a personal level, left me with guidance for spiritual growth and enlightenment.

So many of the books I read in all honesty are just drivel. Some are very highly entertaining but, provide nothing more. Entertainment is great too. But, sometimes the mind, body and spirit need so much more than entertainment fodder for the brain.

I borrowed this book from my Pastor and I so wanted to keep it.

Several months ago during a sermon he preached on how we need to fuel our spirits with positive reading materials. I am making a conscious effort to add spiritual guidance materials to my piles.

Last week I went to the T-Town Library book sale, and came away with two bags. One is loaded with books by authors like Corrie Ten Boom and Joyce Meyers. The other bag with books to add the the winter stash for entertainment. This year is fast flying by and I have had so little time to read. I did read one other book recently and it took me over two weeks. I am an obsessive reader and a paperback never takes more than a day or two. But, this has been a hectic demanding year and this month more than all the others. I will try and take a day a week this fall to do some catch up reading. :

Another month almost over~

Whew!~ What a month.

Ephesians 6:13 (King James Version)

13. Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

Yep!~ It's been that kind of trials and testing for me. Whew!~