I have several resolutions I plan to try and work on in the upcoming year. One priority will be to post more to my blog. In May I had another EchoCardiogram and the test results were not so good. Not sure how things will go in the months ahead. So, for the sake of my children I will add to this as often as I can so they will have something of me in a printable form to use and share with each other if things go wrong sometime in the future.
Phillipians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
Showing posts with label My Journal thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label My Journal thoughts. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Albert is going home today!~ Praise The Lord!~
My niece Samantha has been through so much the last few months. Her mom, my sister Nancy passed away on September 23rd. The day we went to make funeral arrangements for Nancy, Sam's husband ended up in the hospital with pneumonia. He got better and was doing good for several weeks. Last Saturday he ended up back in the hospital with pneumonia again. He is getting out of the hospital again today. I know the emotional burden Sam has carried during the last few months of her young life has been great. I am so thankful for prayer partners who believed with me this past few days. Albert is going home and has been blessed. Praise God!~ My God is Able!~
Friday, September 9, 2011
Glory to God!~
I was listening to a radio program a couple of days ago on Creationism. I was pondering the message and it baffles me that there are people who actually think we evolve from monkeys, or lions, or rabbits, or snakes. hmmm
I did not evolve from a monkey, so I will try not to act like one.
I did not evolve from a lion, so I will not devour, roar, or destroy as one.
I did not evolve from a rabbit so I will not pro-create as such.
I did not evolve from a snake so I will not slither, poison, or defile as such.
I am a unique creation of the Great I Am. Made in His image as mankind is I hope to reflect his goodness, mercy, and compassion to my fellow man.
I am a child of The King, and will conduct myself as part of a royal family.
I am His and He is mine. I will remember this at all times.
I am Blessed to have found my way back to the foot of the cross, and I will rejoice without ceasing.
When He created the universe, the earth and all therein, He had me and you in mind. A Father who made a dwelling place for his loved ones.
When He breathes life into me on a daily basis, I will be thankful and remember this blessing.
When He sent Jesus to live, teach, touch and die on the cross, He had me in mind. I will be a blessing to those who have yet to realize his magnitude and compassion, and His love.
When He touches the world around me with his large and small miracles, I will be mindful and give thanks and praise to Him.
Glory to God!~
Glory to God!~
Glory to God!~
Glory to God!~
Recommended reading: Genesis ch. 1
"The Truth shall set you free."
I did not evolve from a monkey, so I will try not to act like one.
I did not evolve from a lion, so I will not devour, roar, or destroy as one.
I did not evolve from a rabbit so I will not pro-create as such.
I did not evolve from a snake so I will not slither, poison, or defile as such.
I am a unique creation of the Great I Am. Made in His image as mankind is I hope to reflect his goodness, mercy, and compassion to my fellow man.
I am a child of The King, and will conduct myself as part of a royal family.
I am His and He is mine. I will remember this at all times.
I am Blessed to have found my way back to the foot of the cross, and I will rejoice without ceasing.
When He created the universe, the earth and all therein, He had me and you in mind. A Father who made a dwelling place for his loved ones.
When He breathes life into me on a daily basis, I will be thankful and remember this blessing.
When He sent Jesus to live, teach, touch and die on the cross, He had me in mind. I will be a blessing to those who have yet to realize his magnitude and compassion, and His love.
When He touches the world around me with his large and small miracles, I will be mindful and give thanks and praise to Him.
Glory to God!~
Glory to God!~
Glory to God!~
Glory to God!~
Recommended reading: Genesis ch. 1
"The Truth shall set you free."
finally got my password and whatnot fixed! whew!~
I made it in here after months of chaos. one thing for certain, no one is reading this blog now as it has been months since i posted. lol oh, well...i will continue to use it as a personal journal for the kids in the years ahead.
MY God Is ABLE!~
MY God Is ABLE!~
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
How time flies...
Today is my oldest grandson J's 22nd birthday. It boggles my mind that he is that old and that I too am so much older. He has a little boy, my BoBo who just turned three the end of last month.
AS is routinely said, I do remember when. I remember when he could not go to sleep and asked if he could sleep with me. J was the first one to call me Mema. A name that is known by all of the grandkids and everyone they associate with too. Even other kids' parents call me Mema. I can remember He was the one who was always dragging some friend home for supper, or to spend the night, or the week-end, or a few days. He was always trying to rescue some kid. He was big for his age and it was a real hindrance when he was very little. Everyone tried to treat him like he was older. But, after he got in school it was a blessing. Most of the bullies left him alone, and if a bully was tormenting someone he would rush to the rescue.
In his teen years he developed attitude and anger issues.(He is really working on that one). I guess all teens do that to some degree or other. His just lasted longer than most. lol In his teens He was always the one who wanted to rescue friends that were in trouble with life or friends, or parents. Even now, one of his best friends is a kid a few years younger who spent so much time at our house when he was little, he did not know we were not his grandparents. lol He even helped this one get a job a couple months ago with the company where he works .
He's always been very social. In fact it was a bit to his downfall. Too busy wanting to socialize to study. Now, it is a part of his life and who he is today. He still spends a lot of his free time trying to take care of his friends.
I wish so many things for him and his family. I so wish that he would get back in church. he went all the time when he was younger. Then as a teen he did not want to go and I made him. In fact, even if he had someone over on Saturday night, and he did all the time, I made him and his visiting friend(s) go to church. He told me that is why he doesn't go now. We all know the excuses.
But, I have to believe that those few times those kids went to church may someday help them survive in a time of crisis. And, I believe that at some point he too will find his way back to the foot of the cross. One thing is for sure, He knows the truth and someday, even if I have gone on, he will know where to look to find himself. And where to go to find me and how to get there. :)
In the meantime, I just keep praying for him, for his baby, my BoBo, and Baby Mamma. A Grandmothers prayer!~
AS is routinely said, I do remember when. I remember when he could not go to sleep and asked if he could sleep with me. J was the first one to call me Mema. A name that is known by all of the grandkids and everyone they associate with too. Even other kids' parents call me Mema. I can remember He was the one who was always dragging some friend home for supper, or to spend the night, or the week-end, or a few days. He was always trying to rescue some kid. He was big for his age and it was a real hindrance when he was very little. Everyone tried to treat him like he was older. But, after he got in school it was a blessing. Most of the bullies left him alone, and if a bully was tormenting someone he would rush to the rescue.
In his teen years he developed attitude and anger issues.(He is really working on that one). I guess all teens do that to some degree or other. His just lasted longer than most. lol In his teens He was always the one who wanted to rescue friends that were in trouble with life or friends, or parents. Even now, one of his best friends is a kid a few years younger who spent so much time at our house when he was little, he did not know we were not his grandparents. lol He even helped this one get a job a couple months ago with the company where he works .
He's always been very social. In fact it was a bit to his downfall. Too busy wanting to socialize to study. Now, it is a part of his life and who he is today. He still spends a lot of his free time trying to take care of his friends.
I wish so many things for him and his family. I so wish that he would get back in church. he went all the time when he was younger. Then as a teen he did not want to go and I made him. In fact, even if he had someone over on Saturday night, and he did all the time, I made him and his visiting friend(s) go to church. He told me that is why he doesn't go now. We all know the excuses.
But, I have to believe that those few times those kids went to church may someday help them survive in a time of crisis. And, I believe that at some point he too will find his way back to the foot of the cross. One thing is for sure, He knows the truth and someday, even if I have gone on, he will know where to look to find himself. And where to go to find me and how to get there. :)
In the meantime, I just keep praying for him, for his baby, my BoBo, and Baby Mamma. A Grandmothers prayer!~
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Jacob and thoughts on the time of his death. (Genesis)
I was reading the end of Genesis ch48, this morning and I found a couple of scriptures that caught my attention. Jacob blessed Joseph's children, then blessed Joseph. Then in 48:16 he says "The Angel which redeemed me from all evil, ..." So, I looked at the cross reference verse and went to ch28:16. There it referred to the well know story of Jacobs Ladder. What caught my eye was the mention of the Ladder. The Angels of God were ascending and descending the Ladder from heaven, while God stood above and talked to Jacob. It made me think that Angels of God are 1) traveling back and from heaven to earth constantly,2) to do his will, and 3) they do not fly. Silly thoughts? Maybe. But, it made me stop and think. It also made me wonder if we will find quiet time, knowing that the angels are ascending and descending to minister to us, if we listen, can we hear the voice of God in our lives. I think it is worth a try to find quiet time with him.
The other thing I found in ch49 was after blessing Joseph and his sons, Jacob blessed his other sons. Then scripture tells that, "he gathered up his feet into the bed, and yielded up the ghost, and was gathered unto his people." He was blessed to know it was his time and blessed with the opportunity to give his children and grandchildren blessing and guidance. I don't remember reading this as a blessing given to any one else in the Bible immediately prior to their death. But, then the Ladder happened to only him too. He was blessed to be the inheritor of Abraham's blessing and that led to his being blessed over and over in his life. It led to his descendants such as Joseph being blessed and touched by the hand of God many times over.
I think of the events leading up to the Exodus from Egypt. Moses being saved by the daughter of Pharoah. Moses and the burning bush. All the plagues poured upon the Egyptians as a result of their imprisonment of the children of Israel. The Passover. The amazing parting of the Red sea , the pillar, the cloud, the manna from heaven, the quail, and the water from the rock. They were blessed with the Aaronic priesthood during this journey, taught sacrifice for sin, healings by direction and so many other blessings. The Ten Commandments. Direction for the House of God, i.e., the Tabernacle. The Sabbath. Laws to live by as an organized society blessed by God. The Covenant. Praise God!~ Moses blessed to behold God's glory.
Even modern day physicians use the emblem of the pole with the snake on it, which is also from a Biblical promise that occurred during their journey. Gong back farther into Biblical events we know that Abraham believed God's promise of his children being born by barren elderly Sarah, his wife, and so all of his decendants were blessed. Just the descendants of Abraham. But God had promised Abraham that all the nations of the earth would be blessed.
Genesis 22:18.
And in they seed shall all the nations of the earth be blessed; because thou hast obeyed my voice.
And in one earth shattering life, Jesus was born, lived, was crucified on the cross, died and rose from the dead. By his blood sacrifice, all of mankind was blessed. I don't know why all of this is on my mind, but, here it is and I just thought I should write it down in my blog.
The other thing I found in ch49 was after blessing Joseph and his sons, Jacob blessed his other sons. Then scripture tells that, "he gathered up his feet into the bed, and yielded up the ghost, and was gathered unto his people." He was blessed to know it was his time and blessed with the opportunity to give his children and grandchildren blessing and guidance. I don't remember reading this as a blessing given to any one else in the Bible immediately prior to their death. But, then the Ladder happened to only him too. He was blessed to be the inheritor of Abraham's blessing and that led to his being blessed over and over in his life. It led to his descendants such as Joseph being blessed and touched by the hand of God many times over.
I think of the events leading up to the Exodus from Egypt. Moses being saved by the daughter of Pharoah. Moses and the burning bush. All the plagues poured upon the Egyptians as a result of their imprisonment of the children of Israel. The Passover. The amazing parting of the Red sea , the pillar, the cloud, the manna from heaven, the quail, and the water from the rock. They were blessed with the Aaronic priesthood during this journey, taught sacrifice for sin, healings by direction and so many other blessings. The Ten Commandments. Direction for the House of God, i.e., the Tabernacle. The Sabbath. Laws to live by as an organized society blessed by God. The Covenant. Praise God!~ Moses blessed to behold God's glory.
Even modern day physicians use the emblem of the pole with the snake on it, which is also from a Biblical promise that occurred during their journey. Gong back farther into Biblical events we know that Abraham believed God's promise of his children being born by barren elderly Sarah, his wife, and so all of his decendants were blessed. Just the descendants of Abraham. But God had promised Abraham that all the nations of the earth would be blessed.
Genesis 22:18.
And in they seed shall all the nations of the earth be blessed; because thou hast obeyed my voice.
And in one earth shattering life, Jesus was born, lived, was crucified on the cross, died and rose from the dead. By his blood sacrifice, all of mankind was blessed. I don't know why all of this is on my mind, but, here it is and I just thought I should write it down in my blog.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Claiming these Biblical verses. Philippians 1:6 &John 18:9
Philippians 1:6
Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:
As I drove home from dropping my granddaughter off at school this morning, I was listening to Adrian Rodgers preaching on the radio. The sermon was on having confidence that he will see us through all obstacles in our faith walk.
But, for me as I meditated on the words of this verse I found that it holds promise not only for me but for my loved ones as well. I believe that his good work in my life started at a very early age. And, although the battle raged and still rages over my faith walk, I have seen how God has placed his hand on my life so many times over the years. I have been through so many trials, tribulations and testing that it is a wonder my scars are not pasted all over my person. But, here in my 58th year I walk closer to him that ever before. I seek him, I strive to be the Christian I should be. I still stumble, but, the "good work" he begun in me as a small child has seen me through and to a faith place that carries me and will carry me on.
So, knowing this, I believe that the "good work" he has begun in the lives of my husband, my son, my daughter, all my grandchildren, and even my great grandson will be fulfilled before the coming of Christ Jesus. I have lived to see and acknowledge the "good work" he has begun in three of my sisters and some of their children and grandchildren. Other relatives too. I just did not recognize it at the time and only now can see these times were but beginnings. He is the "Alpha" and "Omega", i.e., the beginning and the end in all things. All things includes those he has called out, and I have lived to see him call out some of my loved ones.
I also realize they will go through good times, and those times of testing, trial, and or tribulation. He brought me through and I know he will bring them through too. Oh, what comfort my Jesus brings.
John 18:9
That the saying might be fulfilled, which he spake, Of them which thou gavest me HAVE I LOST NONE.
Even in the Garden of Gethsemane when they came to arrest him, he protected his sheep the disciples. I think this scripture applies to all that have come to him in their lives. After his blood was shed on the Cross his claim on his sheep was bound not only in heaven, but, on earth as well. So, all those loved ones of mine struggling to find their way will one day, now or later, find their way back to the foot of the cross just like I did. Yes, the battle rages on, but Jesus is victorious!~
Hallelujah!~ Hallelujah!~ Hallelujah!
Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:
As I drove home from dropping my granddaughter off at school this morning, I was listening to Adrian Rodgers preaching on the radio. The sermon was on having confidence that he will see us through all obstacles in our faith walk.
But, for me as I meditated on the words of this verse I found that it holds promise not only for me but for my loved ones as well. I believe that his good work in my life started at a very early age. And, although the battle raged and still rages over my faith walk, I have seen how God has placed his hand on my life so many times over the years. I have been through so many trials, tribulations and testing that it is a wonder my scars are not pasted all over my person. But, here in my 58th year I walk closer to him that ever before. I seek him, I strive to be the Christian I should be. I still stumble, but, the "good work" he begun in me as a small child has seen me through and to a faith place that carries me and will carry me on.
So, knowing this, I believe that the "good work" he has begun in the lives of my husband, my son, my daughter, all my grandchildren, and even my great grandson will be fulfilled before the coming of Christ Jesus. I have lived to see and acknowledge the "good work" he has begun in three of my sisters and some of their children and grandchildren. Other relatives too. I just did not recognize it at the time and only now can see these times were but beginnings. He is the "Alpha" and "Omega", i.e., the beginning and the end in all things. All things includes those he has called out, and I have lived to see him call out some of my loved ones.
I also realize they will go through good times, and those times of testing, trial, and or tribulation. He brought me through and I know he will bring them through too. Oh, what comfort my Jesus brings.
John 18:9
That the saying might be fulfilled, which he spake, Of them which thou gavest me HAVE I LOST NONE.
Even in the Garden of Gethsemane when they came to arrest him, he protected his sheep the disciples. I think this scripture applies to all that have come to him in their lives. After his blood was shed on the Cross his claim on his sheep was bound not only in heaven, but, on earth as well. So, all those loved ones of mine struggling to find their way will one day, now or later, find their way back to the foot of the cross just like I did. Yes, the battle rages on, but Jesus is victorious!~
Hallelujah!~ Hallelujah!~ Hallelujah!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
The Battle rages; Daniel's prayer for the people...and his fasting.
Daniel's prayer for the people...and his fasting.
I was reading Daniel chapter 9 recently to study on a Daniel fast. As I studied I realized that what is commonly known about this had never really sunk in my brain until now. He was praying and fasting and confessing not only his sin, but the sin of all Israel. The people had turned away and were living wickedly, following the evil worship and practices of the Babylonians. Daniel fasted, prayed and sought mercy and compassion for God's people. I had tried to study this before, but, I was so intent on trying to understand the method of a Daniel fast, I did not realize the intent and impact of this Daniel fast.
Wow!~ I have found new meaning for myself in regard to fasting. I was always doing the fast with one or two motives for family but, never fully realized I could to an all encompassing fast for my entire family. I am so moved by this new found knowledge. He confessed their sin. He fasted and prayed seeking a move of God. This chapter has so much guidance for so many areas, he was visited by the Angel Gabriel, and it leads into chapter 10 when Daniel fasted three weeks and has the vision of the Archangel Michael. And, on and on.
Silly I know, when there are countless numbers of Godly people who know and already understand all this. But, I had always started with the basic information at the beginning of chapter 10 to try and understand how to do a Daniel fast. I had never realized that the Daniel experience started not then at the three weeks, but, sometime earlier as shown in chapter 9, when he confessed his sin and all Israel's sin.
Chapter 9:
3 And I set my face unto the Lord God, to seek by prayer and supplications, with fasting, and sackcloth, and ashes:
4 And I prayed unto the LORD my God, and made my confession, and said, O Lord, the great and dreadful God, keeping the covenant and mercy to them that love him, and to them that keep his commandments;
5 We have sinned, and have committed iniquity, and have done wickedly, and have rebelled, even by departing from thy precepts and from thy judgments:
6 Neither have we hearkened unto thy servants the prophets, which spake in thy name to our kings, our princes, and our fathers, and to all the people of the land.
7 O Lord, righteousness [belongeth] unto thee, but unto us confusion of faces, as at this day; to the men of Judah, and to the inhabitants of Jerusalem, and unto all Israel, [that are] near, and [that are] far off, through all the countries whither thou hast driven them, because of their trespass that they have trespassed against thee.
8 O Lord, to us [belongeth] confusion of face, to our kings, to our princes, and to our fathers, because we have sinned against thee.
9 To the Lord our God [belong] mercies and forgivenesses, though we have rebelled against him;
10 Neither have we obeyed the voice of the LORD our God, to walk in his laws, which he set before us by his servants the prophets.
11 Yea, all Israel have transgressed thy law, even by departing, that they might not obey thy voice; therefore the curse is poured upon us, and the oath that [is] written in the law of Moses the servant of God, because we have sinned against him.
12 And he hath confirmed his words, which he spake against us, and against our judges that judged us, by bringing upon us a great evil: for under the whole heaven hath not been done as hath been done upon Jerusalem.
13 As [it is] written in the law of Moses, all this evil is come upon us: yet made we not our prayer before the LORD our God, that we might turn from our iniquities, and understand thy truth.
14 Therefore hath the LORD watched upon the evil, and brought it upon us: for the LORD our God [is] righteous in all his works which he doeth: for we obeyed not his voice.
15 And now, O Lord our God, that hast brought thy people forth out of the land of Egypt with a mighty hand, and hast gotten thee renown, as at this day; we have sinned, we have done wickedly.
16 O Lord, according to all thy righteousness, I beseech thee, let thine anger and thy fury be turned away from thy city Jerusalem, thy holy mountain: because for our sins, and for the iniquities of our fathers, Jerusalem and thy people [are become] a reproach to all [that are] about us.
17 Now therefore, O our God, hear the prayer of thy servant, and his supplications, and cause thy face to shine upon thy sanctuary that is desolate, for the Lord's sake.
18 O my God, incline thine ear, and hear; open thine eyes, and behold our desolations, and the city which is called by thy name: for we do not present our supplications before thee for our righteousnesses, but for thy great mercies.
19 O Lord, hear; O Lord, forgive; O Lord, hearken and do; defer not, for thine own sake, O my God: for thy city and thy people are called by thy name.
20 And whiles I [was] speaking, and praying, and confessing my sin and the sin of my people Israel, and presenting my supplication before the LORD my God for the holy mountain of my God;
21 Yea, whiles I [was] speaking in prayer, even the man Gabriel, whom I had seen in the vision at the beginning, being caused to fly swiftly, touched me about the time of the evening oblation.
22 And he informed [me], and talked with me, and said, O Daniel, I am now come forth to give thee skill and understanding.
... and leading into chapter 10 does the three week fast start, and where he is blessed and encounters the Archangel Michael:
Chapter 10
2 In those days I Daniel was mourning three full weeks.
3 I ate no pleasant bread, neither came flesh nor wine in my mouth, neither did I anoint myself at all, till three whole weeks were fulfilled.
4 And in the four and twentieth day of the first month, as I was by the side of the great river, which [is] Hiddekel;
5 Then I lifted up mine eyes, and looked, and behold a certain man clothed in linen, whose loins [were] girded with fine gold of Uphaz:
6 His body also [was] like the beryl, and his face as the appearance of lightning, and his eyes as lamps of fire, and his arms and his feet like in colour to polished brass, and the voice of his words like the voice of a multitude.
7 And I Daniel alone saw the vision: for the men that were with me saw not the vision; but a great quaking fell upon them, so that they fled to hide themselves.
8 Therefore I was left alone, and saw this great vision, and there remained no strength in me: for my comeliness was turned in me into corruption, and I retained no strength.
9 Yet heard I the voice of his words: and when I heard the voice of his words, then was I in a deep sleep on my face, and my face toward the ground.
10 And, behold, an hand touched me, which set me upon my knees and [upon] the palms of my hands.
11 And he said unto me, O Daniel, a man greatly beloved, understand the words that I speak unto thee, and stand upright: for unto thee am I now sent. And when he had spoken this word unto me, I stood trembling.
12 Then said he unto me, Fear not, Daniel: for from the first day that thou didst set thine heart to understand, and to chasten thyself before thy God, thy words were heard, and I am come for thy words.
13 But the prince of the kingdom of Persia withstood me one and twenty days: but, lo, Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me; and I remained there with the kings of Persia.
14 Now I am come to make thee understand what shall befall thy people in the latter days: for yet the vision [is] for [many] days.
15 And when he had spoken such words unto me, I set my face toward the ground, and I became dumb.
All this is just for the record, so I can refer back to my own thoughts on this later. Chapter 9:9,10 and vs 19 I claim for myself and for my loved ones. One note on chapter 10; Michael verifies for us that the battle between good and evil rages on and over us, just as exampled in the Book and life of Job. In the beginning of the Book of Job, the Old Testament tells of the conversation concerning Job that takes place between Our Lord God and Satan. Job Chapters 1&2. And I know, The battle rages...
I was reading Daniel chapter 9 recently to study on a Daniel fast. As I studied I realized that what is commonly known about this had never really sunk in my brain until now. He was praying and fasting and confessing not only his sin, but the sin of all Israel. The people had turned away and were living wickedly, following the evil worship and practices of the Babylonians. Daniel fasted, prayed and sought mercy and compassion for God's people. I had tried to study this before, but, I was so intent on trying to understand the method of a Daniel fast, I did not realize the intent and impact of this Daniel fast.
Wow!~ I have found new meaning for myself in regard to fasting. I was always doing the fast with one or two motives for family but, never fully realized I could to an all encompassing fast for my entire family. I am so moved by this new found knowledge. He confessed their sin. He fasted and prayed seeking a move of God. This chapter has so much guidance for so many areas, he was visited by the Angel Gabriel, and it leads into chapter 10 when Daniel fasted three weeks and has the vision of the Archangel Michael. And, on and on.
Silly I know, when there are countless numbers of Godly people who know and already understand all this. But, I had always started with the basic information at the beginning of chapter 10 to try and understand how to do a Daniel fast. I had never realized that the Daniel experience started not then at the three weeks, but, sometime earlier as shown in chapter 9, when he confessed his sin and all Israel's sin.
Chapter 9:
3 And I set my face unto the Lord God, to seek by prayer and supplications, with fasting, and sackcloth, and ashes:
4 And I prayed unto the LORD my God, and made my confession, and said, O Lord, the great and dreadful God, keeping the covenant and mercy to them that love him, and to them that keep his commandments;
5 We have sinned, and have committed iniquity, and have done wickedly, and have rebelled, even by departing from thy precepts and from thy judgments:
6 Neither have we hearkened unto thy servants the prophets, which spake in thy name to our kings, our princes, and our fathers, and to all the people of the land.
7 O Lord, righteousness [belongeth] unto thee, but unto us confusion of faces, as at this day; to the men of Judah, and to the inhabitants of Jerusalem, and unto all Israel, [that are] near, and [that are] far off, through all the countries whither thou hast driven them, because of their trespass that they have trespassed against thee.
8 O Lord, to us [belongeth] confusion of face, to our kings, to our princes, and to our fathers, because we have sinned against thee.
9 To the Lord our God [belong] mercies and forgivenesses, though we have rebelled against him;
10 Neither have we obeyed the voice of the LORD our God, to walk in his laws, which he set before us by his servants the prophets.
11 Yea, all Israel have transgressed thy law, even by departing, that they might not obey thy voice; therefore the curse is poured upon us, and the oath that [is] written in the law of Moses the servant of God, because we have sinned against him.
12 And he hath confirmed his words, which he spake against us, and against our judges that judged us, by bringing upon us a great evil: for under the whole heaven hath not been done as hath been done upon Jerusalem.
13 As [it is] written in the law of Moses, all this evil is come upon us: yet made we not our prayer before the LORD our God, that we might turn from our iniquities, and understand thy truth.
14 Therefore hath the LORD watched upon the evil, and brought it upon us: for the LORD our God [is] righteous in all his works which he doeth: for we obeyed not his voice.
15 And now, O Lord our God, that hast brought thy people forth out of the land of Egypt with a mighty hand, and hast gotten thee renown, as at this day; we have sinned, we have done wickedly.
16 O Lord, according to all thy righteousness, I beseech thee, let thine anger and thy fury be turned away from thy city Jerusalem, thy holy mountain: because for our sins, and for the iniquities of our fathers, Jerusalem and thy people [are become] a reproach to all [that are] about us.
17 Now therefore, O our God, hear the prayer of thy servant, and his supplications, and cause thy face to shine upon thy sanctuary that is desolate, for the Lord's sake.
18 O my God, incline thine ear, and hear; open thine eyes, and behold our desolations, and the city which is called by thy name: for we do not present our supplications before thee for our righteousnesses, but for thy great mercies.
19 O Lord, hear; O Lord, forgive; O Lord, hearken and do; defer not, for thine own sake, O my God: for thy city and thy people are called by thy name.
20 And whiles I [was] speaking, and praying, and confessing my sin and the sin of my people Israel, and presenting my supplication before the LORD my God for the holy mountain of my God;
21 Yea, whiles I [was] speaking in prayer, even the man Gabriel, whom I had seen in the vision at the beginning, being caused to fly swiftly, touched me about the time of the evening oblation.
22 And he informed [me], and talked with me, and said, O Daniel, I am now come forth to give thee skill and understanding.
... and leading into chapter 10 does the three week fast start, and where he is blessed and encounters the Archangel Michael:
Chapter 10
2 In those days I Daniel was mourning three full weeks.
3 I ate no pleasant bread, neither came flesh nor wine in my mouth, neither did I anoint myself at all, till three whole weeks were fulfilled.
4 And in the four and twentieth day of the first month, as I was by the side of the great river, which [is] Hiddekel;
5 Then I lifted up mine eyes, and looked, and behold a certain man clothed in linen, whose loins [were] girded with fine gold of Uphaz:
6 His body also [was] like the beryl, and his face as the appearance of lightning, and his eyes as lamps of fire, and his arms and his feet like in colour to polished brass, and the voice of his words like the voice of a multitude.
7 And I Daniel alone saw the vision: for the men that were with me saw not the vision; but a great quaking fell upon them, so that they fled to hide themselves.
8 Therefore I was left alone, and saw this great vision, and there remained no strength in me: for my comeliness was turned in me into corruption, and I retained no strength.
9 Yet heard I the voice of his words: and when I heard the voice of his words, then was I in a deep sleep on my face, and my face toward the ground.
10 And, behold, an hand touched me, which set me upon my knees and [upon] the palms of my hands.
11 And he said unto me, O Daniel, a man greatly beloved, understand the words that I speak unto thee, and stand upright: for unto thee am I now sent. And when he had spoken this word unto me, I stood trembling.
12 Then said he unto me, Fear not, Daniel: for from the first day that thou didst set thine heart to understand, and to chasten thyself before thy God, thy words were heard, and I am come for thy words.
13 But the prince of the kingdom of Persia withstood me one and twenty days: but, lo, Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me; and I remained there with the kings of Persia.
14 Now I am come to make thee understand what shall befall thy people in the latter days: for yet the vision [is] for [many] days.
15 And when he had spoken such words unto me, I set my face toward the ground, and I became dumb.
All this is just for the record, so I can refer back to my own thoughts on this later. Chapter 9:9,10 and vs 19 I claim for myself and for my loved ones. One note on chapter 10; Michael verifies for us that the battle between good and evil rages on and over us, just as exampled in the Book and life of Job. In the beginning of the Book of Job, the Old Testament tells of the conversation concerning Job that takes place between Our Lord God and Satan. Job Chapters 1&2. And I know, The battle rages...
Monday, January 10, 2011
I saw BoBo today!~
I saw BoBo today and it was such a blessing and answer to my prayers. The kids needed something that only I could provide so Baby Daddy called me. A signed piece of paper showing ownership to a vehicle motor. I happily and nicely agreed to give them what they needed. When Baby Daddy came I was pleased to see Baby Mama and BoBo at the door with him. I waited a couple of minutes after they came in and then I took His Mama by the hands and hugged her. I made the apology and prayed that God would recognize my peacemaking efforts. I would like to think that others would see me as a child of God. :)
Matthew 5:9 (King James Version)
Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.
It was in my own best interests and in BoBo's to apologize even though it was all started when she verbally jumped me here in my own home. Still, I lost my patience that day, so what really matters is that we have some sort of peace. BoBo did not want to leave, they did not offer to let him stay, and I did not ask. But, for now I know I saw him for over thirty minutes, he saw me and that has to be enough for the moment. It was an answer to my prayers.
My God is Able!~ Today I really rejoice and give him all the glory!~
Matthew 5:9 (King James Version)
Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.
It was in my own best interests and in BoBo's to apologize even though it was all started when she verbally jumped me here in my own home. Still, I lost my patience that day, so what really matters is that we have some sort of peace. BoBo did not want to leave, they did not offer to let him stay, and I did not ask. But, for now I know I saw him for over thirty minutes, he saw me and that has to be enough for the moment. It was an answer to my prayers.
My God is Able!~ Today I really rejoice and give him all the glory!~
We're all on the outside sometime somewhere...
Ephesians 2:19 (King James Version)
Now therefore ye are no more strangers and foreigners, but fellowcitizens with the saints, and of the household of God;
I was talking on the phone with a very good Godly lady friend over the week-end and we shared about those moments when you feel excluded. I was surprised when she told me that a young couple I know from her church got married. I did not know they were dating. I told her I was not part of the "loop". She told me she doesn't do Facebook because she sometimes felt excluded by various people. I told her I know all about feeling excluded. As a small child I learned that I did not totally belong to the white world, nor did I totally belong to the American Indians either. I am a half-breed. Back in the late 50's and early 60's that was almost tantamount to being black. I know that black people, or should I say African American, (don't know the pc term of today), have borne the burden of exclusion since early Biblical times. Heartbreakingly so.
I was born into a rural area of very poor white and Indian residents. Living miles apart there was a certain friendliness,borne of necessity, but, the social and cultural barriers were very real. I say necessity because in rural areas back then and even now, when times are hard or crisis hits you MUST rely on, and reach out to neighbors if possible. Some will ignore the social and or cultural barriers and do the right thing, the neighborly thing. Others will will stand staunch in their attitudes of division and indifference. I suppose this is true in cities as well, where large numbers of people are packed into smaller living areas too.
My feelings of exculsion occurred with children, and adults, from both sides of my families. Child taunts and comments, I now know were the direct result of their parental experience, and or social environment. It is so amazing to me in today's world to see countless people trying to research and develop their genealogies to clarify and document Indian heritage. wow!~ Sometimes it is almost comical. It is so mind boggling to meet so many people who will tell me they are the direct descendant of some Indian princess. Or so they've been told. The need to belong, the desire to belong, the longing for feeling a part of, is inherent in the human condition.
But, even with all the strides made in social equality when I walk into a room, I am not white in a room of white people. And, I am not Indian in a room full of Indians. I have experienced this in all aspects of living from the workplace to churches. And, sadly to say with the two families with whom I am related. I never quite belonged. Today at the age of 58, I am no closer to most of my family members on either side than I was years ago. I was never around many of my Indian relatives much while growing up. My sister M has the same problem as her situation was very similar to mine. I did not send out more than a handful of Christmas cards this year. I was too caught up in my personal drama to care. But, I realized it didn't really matter. I have no contact throughout the rest of the year, so, it is silly to stick out an olive branch once a year and get no response. And, I am ok with my decision. After all these years I am quite happy with my life as things are and my husband and children, are my world.
But as to the feelings of exculsion I have come to realize that everyone can have feelings of being on the outside depending on where they are at any given time. A white person in a room full of Asians, or Indians, or Blacks would or could feel excluded and visa versa. The same goes for people of a certain profession. lol. A prostitute would feel excluded in a room full of legal secretaries. A lawyer would feel excluded in a room full of wild-eyed, raucous bikers. A biker would feel excluded in a room full of white collar professionals and so forth. lol
So what am I driving at? All this babble about feelings of exculsion. Simply put, we all have hope in Jesus. I belong to him. His heart belongs to me. Even in a church where I don't know anyone and I may or may not ever get on a personal level with most of the people there, I still belong to the body of Christ.
There are churches that for whatever reason, be it social, cultural, physical, financial, or even differences in doctrine, or spiritual beliefs, I could never fully belong to the individual members and their given lifestyle, I am at one with my God. This is so crucial. It is the one true thing. This is the reason we are all here. I believe that the sense or feeling of exclusion is allowed to perpetuate itself so that if we are seeking him, truly seeking him, we will find that oneness with him. I fought so hard emotionally to find this place. In spite of exculsions, or whatever, I just keep seeking his face. Even when I felt excluded within a given church structure and it happens. I just kept seeking is face.
Hebrews 11:6 (King James Version)
But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.
Romans 8: 1
There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.
Now ye are the body of Christ, and members in particular.
This is not to say we should not turn to other church members or other Christians, because we should. But, just not to expect them to be perfection in every given situation. Because With prayer requests alone, a church can see a person through a crisis. A given ministry within a church group can be the crucial thing to emotional survival and physical well being. Such as a women's ministry for a mother in need, or a youth group or the men's ministry, etc. A Pastor within a church cannot be all things to all people. He is only human and as such, while called by God to lead, is still limited by the human condition. As we all are.
I Corinthians 12:26 (King James Version)
And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honoured, all the members rejoice with it.
And I intreat thee also, true yokefellow, help those women which laboured with me in the gospel, with Clement also, and with other my fellowlabourers, whose names are in the book of life.
Now therefore ye are no more strangers and foreigners, but fellowcitizens with the saints, and of the household of God;
I was talking on the phone with a very good Godly lady friend over the week-end and we shared about those moments when you feel excluded. I was surprised when she told me that a young couple I know from her church got married. I did not know they were dating. I told her I was not part of the "loop". She told me she doesn't do Facebook because she sometimes felt excluded by various people. I told her I know all about feeling excluded. As a small child I learned that I did not totally belong to the white world, nor did I totally belong to the American Indians either. I am a half-breed. Back in the late 50's and early 60's that was almost tantamount to being black. I know that black people, or should I say African American, (don't know the pc term of today), have borne the burden of exclusion since early Biblical times. Heartbreakingly so.
I was born into a rural area of very poor white and Indian residents. Living miles apart there was a certain friendliness,borne of necessity, but, the social and cultural barriers were very real. I say necessity because in rural areas back then and even now, when times are hard or crisis hits you MUST rely on, and reach out to neighbors if possible. Some will ignore the social and or cultural barriers and do the right thing, the neighborly thing. Others will will stand staunch in their attitudes of division and indifference. I suppose this is true in cities as well, where large numbers of people are packed into smaller living areas too.
My feelings of exculsion occurred with children, and adults, from both sides of my families. Child taunts and comments, I now know were the direct result of their parental experience, and or social environment. It is so amazing to me in today's world to see countless people trying to research and develop their genealogies to clarify and document Indian heritage. wow!~ Sometimes it is almost comical. It is so mind boggling to meet so many people who will tell me they are the direct descendant of some Indian princess. Or so they've been told. The need to belong, the desire to belong, the longing for feeling a part of, is inherent in the human condition.
But, even with all the strides made in social equality when I walk into a room, I am not white in a room of white people. And, I am not Indian in a room full of Indians. I have experienced this in all aspects of living from the workplace to churches. And, sadly to say with the two families with whom I am related. I never quite belonged. Today at the age of 58, I am no closer to most of my family members on either side than I was years ago. I was never around many of my Indian relatives much while growing up. My sister M has the same problem as her situation was very similar to mine. I did not send out more than a handful of Christmas cards this year. I was too caught up in my personal drama to care. But, I realized it didn't really matter. I have no contact throughout the rest of the year, so, it is silly to stick out an olive branch once a year and get no response. And, I am ok with my decision. After all these years I am quite happy with my life as things are and my husband and children, are my world.
But as to the feelings of exculsion I have come to realize that everyone can have feelings of being on the outside depending on where they are at any given time. A white person in a room full of Asians, or Indians, or Blacks would or could feel excluded and visa versa. The same goes for people of a certain profession. lol. A prostitute would feel excluded in a room full of legal secretaries. A lawyer would feel excluded in a room full of wild-eyed, raucous bikers. A biker would feel excluded in a room full of white collar professionals and so forth. lol
So what am I driving at? All this babble about feelings of exculsion. Simply put, we all have hope in Jesus. I belong to him. His heart belongs to me. Even in a church where I don't know anyone and I may or may not ever get on a personal level with most of the people there, I still belong to the body of Christ.
There are churches that for whatever reason, be it social, cultural, physical, financial, or even differences in doctrine, or spiritual beliefs, I could never fully belong to the individual members and their given lifestyle, I am at one with my God. This is so crucial. It is the one true thing. This is the reason we are all here. I believe that the sense or feeling of exclusion is allowed to perpetuate itself so that if we are seeking him, truly seeking him, we will find that oneness with him. I fought so hard emotionally to find this place. In spite of exculsions, or whatever, I just keep seeking his face. Even when I felt excluded within a given church structure and it happens. I just kept seeking is face.
Hebrews 11:6 (King James Version)
But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.
Romans 8: 1
There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.
Most of us when we experience the feeling of exclusion, tend to look inward. What is wrong with me? Why am I not a part of the group or experience? etc. But, if we are in Christ and not living for the world, and truly seeking to grow in spirit will reach the point where the feelings of outsiderism (my term), or exclusion, find that it no longer matters if "they" want a relationship with us. Oh yes, we are to be there for each other but, to fully rely only on him. This is a hard place to get to without a lot of prayer and serious study of his will for our lives.
1 Corinthians 12:27 (King James Version)Now ye are the body of Christ, and members in particular.
This is not to say we should not turn to other church members or other Christians, because we should. But, just not to expect them to be perfection in every given situation. Because With prayer requests alone, a church can see a person through a crisis. A given ministry within a church group can be the crucial thing to emotional survival and physical well being. Such as a women's ministry for a mother in need, or a youth group or the men's ministry, etc. A Pastor within a church cannot be all things to all people. He is only human and as such, while called by God to lead, is still limited by the human condition. As we all are.
I Corinthians 12:26 (King James Version)
And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honoured, all the members rejoice with it.
I write this for my daughter and my sister. I hope and pray that when the time comes they will find this bit of thought processing to be helpful. I leave this as a prayer of words from St. Paul, for them, and the good Godly women, who are and have been examples of his love for me.
Philippians 4:3 (King James Version)And I intreat thee also, true yokefellow, help those women which laboured with me in the gospel, with Clement also, and with other my fellowlabourers, whose names are in the book of life.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
"...for they shall see God."
Matthew 5:8 (King James Version)
Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.
These words from the Bible are so comforting. For all those parents and grandparents out there who suffer the loss or separation from a child for whatever reason, this should bring comfort. Just to know these words of spiritual guidance spoken by Jesus himself in the Sermon on the Mount. Wow!~
I visited my best friends parents church last Sunday morning and this is the scripture Pastor Kirbo based his sermon on. Now, his sermon was about seeing God. He talked about how Moses, and a select few, such as prophets, had personal encounters with Almighty God. He taught how we should seek his face. He encouraged everyone to study and work at developing a personal relationship with God. I am being brief here as I am not a theologian and would not want to try and relay his entire sermon. However, it was a very good sermon and I could not do it justice.
But, my revelation this morning was in relation to my situation with BoBo and his parents. As to small children, I believe all little children are pure in heart. Most people would agree with me. AS small children they have not ingested all the evil that we as adults have compromised out minds, lives and hearts with. So it brings me great comfort to know that all the little ones, here, there, and everywhere, may be able to see the face of God. Perhaps they do. One cannot know for sure. But, it brings me comfort to think that they do and they can. It is for certain the babies and little ones who have gone on are now cherished in the arms of the Almighty.
It makes my heart happy to think that BoBo as a small child who is no doubt pure in heart, can see God. Oh, what a blessed thought. I would think that parents or grandparents who have lost a small child would also find great comfort in this verse.
Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.
These words from the Bible are so comforting. For all those parents and grandparents out there who suffer the loss or separation from a child for whatever reason, this should bring comfort. Just to know these words of spiritual guidance spoken by Jesus himself in the Sermon on the Mount. Wow!~
I visited my best friends parents church last Sunday morning and this is the scripture Pastor Kirbo based his sermon on. Now, his sermon was about seeing God. He talked about how Moses, and a select few, such as prophets, had personal encounters with Almighty God. He taught how we should seek his face. He encouraged everyone to study and work at developing a personal relationship with God. I am being brief here as I am not a theologian and would not want to try and relay his entire sermon. However, it was a very good sermon and I could not do it justice.
But, my revelation this morning was in relation to my situation with BoBo and his parents. As to small children, I believe all little children are pure in heart. Most people would agree with me. AS small children they have not ingested all the evil that we as adults have compromised out minds, lives and hearts with. So it brings me great comfort to know that all the little ones, here, there, and everywhere, may be able to see the face of God. Perhaps they do. One cannot know for sure. But, it brings me comfort to think that they do and they can. It is for certain the babies and little ones who have gone on are now cherished in the arms of the Almighty.
It makes my heart happy to think that BoBo as a small child who is no doubt pure in heart, can see God. Oh, what a blessed thought. I would think that parents or grandparents who have lost a small child would also find great comfort in this verse.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Just ridin the waves...
Sometimes life will through you a curve and you have to be ready. My last post was Wednesday afternoon and I was in a wonderful place. Later that evening I found out that the kids are thinking of moving two hours away with BoBo. My heart just plummeted. Fear and anxiety just had me reeling for some time there. I had to do a lot of praying to get back on track emotionally. There is a job opportunity there for only a dollar more an hour. But, who will be there to help with the little things. I pray they take time to think this through and use a little common sense.
I've been doing my Bible study and have started writing down some of my thoughts on what I read. I think in the days ahead I will start a separate label section here to record some of my own thoughts on what I'm reading. It will be good for me to have it down somewhere more permanent than my little throw away notebooks.
I found a book during the holidays while shopping and it is a Bible reference word guide. It is so good. It adds to the use of my Biblical concordance and is a great book. I went back and bought one for my cousin and my sister. I know this will help both of them too. On bad days I use it to refer to words like fear, and faith, or, some such word. The references to Angels alone had me prowling my Bible cover to cover for some time and I was astonished at all the information I gleaned. It has really enhanced my reading as it has scripture references that are not always in the back of my Bible. What a find. I plan to go and try to find more so I can give them to others. It was only $5.00 and a real bargain at that with over 3,700 word references. The title is:
Where To Find It In The BIBLE, The ultimate A to Z resource, author Ken Anderson.
I found it at the Dollar General store of all places. Wow!~ I now think of it as my bluebook, as the cover is a pastel blue.
ok, just a couple minutes til the herd bears down on me. Papa got off early today and is picking up granddaughter and a couple of her friends from school. They should be here shortly and as teenage girls are they will be on the move when they get here. They will be ready to roll as it is Friday afternoon. I wonder where they will all end up before the evening is over. One house or the other I am certain, but as yet I do not know which Mamma will be the host. lol
I still pray for BoBo sometimes from moment to moment. Others I stand so firm in my faith that all is well.
I've been doing my Bible study and have started writing down some of my thoughts on what I read. I think in the days ahead I will start a separate label section here to record some of my own thoughts on what I'm reading. It will be good for me to have it down somewhere more permanent than my little throw away notebooks.
I found a book during the holidays while shopping and it is a Bible reference word guide. It is so good. It adds to the use of my Biblical concordance and is a great book. I went back and bought one for my cousin and my sister. I know this will help both of them too. On bad days I use it to refer to words like fear, and faith, or, some such word. The references to Angels alone had me prowling my Bible cover to cover for some time and I was astonished at all the information I gleaned. It has really enhanced my reading as it has scripture references that are not always in the back of my Bible. What a find. I plan to go and try to find more so I can give them to others. It was only $5.00 and a real bargain at that with over 3,700 word references. The title is:
Where To Find It In The BIBLE, The ultimate A to Z resource, author Ken Anderson.
I found it at the Dollar General store of all places. Wow!~ I now think of it as my bluebook, as the cover is a pastel blue.
ok, just a couple minutes til the herd bears down on me. Papa got off early today and is picking up granddaughter and a couple of her friends from school. They should be here shortly and as teenage girls are they will be on the move when they get here. They will be ready to roll as it is Friday afternoon. I wonder where they will all end up before the evening is over. One house or the other I am certain, but as yet I do not know which Mamma will be the host. lol
I still pray for BoBo sometimes from moment to moment. Others I stand so firm in my faith that all is well.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
The "Apple of my Eye".
13Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
Today is the first day in weeks I have felt almost normal again. The heartbreak and despair has been a nightmare. I walked through the valley and although things are not back to normal, I am starting to live again. My heart still grieves for My Baby boy, but, I have finally found my emotional and spiritual legs again. I am glad that I stopped blogging for a while and no one reads this now. This is just a personal place to unload.
For the last several weeks I would get up and pray and read my Bible. It gave me strength and I would be ok. Then the fear and frustration, grief and loss would kick in and I was floundering in my faith. Some days I prayed over and over to get through. Other days I prayed then too, but I was so filled with grief, I just went through the motions.
I knew in my heart that I serve a God who is able. But, the weakness in me, the part of me that lacks stamina would fall into the negatives and I was reeling in so many tumultuous emotions. I have finally realized that this is a time of testing for me. And, a time of learning for the kids. I know that Baby was probably heartbroken when he was not allowed to see me and that added to my grief. The sense of powerlessness is sometimes the worst nightmare.
But, I know that in the last year, during prayers around and over BoBo, he was touched by the God I serve. I know that somewhere deep in his heart he will carry the love we shared. He will carry all the warm, cozy, happy memories to sustain him. I know I did, when I was taken away from my Grandpa, and rocketed into my culture shock experience as a child. I think that childhood memory has been part of my heartbreak, but, now, it has to be part of what will strengthen me. I carried Grandpa in my heart during all the years of twisted abuse. So, I know he will never completely forget all the love and happiness.
He was and is the "apple of my eye". I will never forget curling up at bedtime and watching his movies. He would pull on my ear and I would cuddle his two feet in my hand. Oh, how he loved a cup of chocolate milk from time to time at bedtime. He was soooooo goood. When it was time to go to sleep he would go right on in to his room to be put to bed. :)
Zechariah 2:8 (King James Version)
8For thus saith the LORD of hosts; After the glory hath he sent me unto the nations which spoiled you: for he that toucheth you toucheth the apple of his eye.
One of my favorite memories came one night when I was cooking dinner. He wanted to help and he was so little. I gave him a little potato, a paper plate and a butter knife. He sat at the table trying to peel that potato and said, "I cookin', Mema!".
He was always so good in stores and at church. I never had a problem with him acting out. Quiet and so well behaved was he. The day of the big blow up his mamma said he was a Brat and that he was kicking and biting and hitting. But, he did not do those things here. She said it was because we were spoiling him. ok...I serve a God who is able. I know he will watch over him, and hold him in his mighty arms.
I have come through the deepest, darkest time of my life. Through a childhood of mind blogging, cultural, social, and emotional confusion I never lost optimism. I never lived in despair or depression. Never, until this time of heartbreak. But, this time of test has taught me one thing. Hold fast to my faith in darkness, and seek his light. My mind was almost destroyed in this situation. I still hope and pray things will change and he will be back soon. Oh, how I love my great grandson.
4(For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;)
5Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;
My God is Able!~ My God is Able!~ My God is Able!~
Today is the first day in weeks I have felt almost normal again. The heartbreak and despair has been a nightmare. I walked through the valley and although things are not back to normal, I am starting to live again. My heart still grieves for My Baby boy, but, I have finally found my emotional and spiritual legs again. I am glad that I stopped blogging for a while and no one reads this now. This is just a personal place to unload.
For the last several weeks I would get up and pray and read my Bible. It gave me strength and I would be ok. Then the fear and frustration, grief and loss would kick in and I was floundering in my faith. Some days I prayed over and over to get through. Other days I prayed then too, but I was so filled with grief, I just went through the motions.
I knew in my heart that I serve a God who is able. But, the weakness in me, the part of me that lacks stamina would fall into the negatives and I was reeling in so many tumultuous emotions. I have finally realized that this is a time of testing for me. And, a time of learning for the kids. I know that Baby was probably heartbroken when he was not allowed to see me and that added to my grief. The sense of powerlessness is sometimes the worst nightmare.
But, I know that in the last year, during prayers around and over BoBo, he was touched by the God I serve. I know that somewhere deep in his heart he will carry the love we shared. He will carry all the warm, cozy, happy memories to sustain him. I know I did, when I was taken away from my Grandpa, and rocketed into my culture shock experience as a child. I think that childhood memory has been part of my heartbreak, but, now, it has to be part of what will strengthen me. I carried Grandpa in my heart during all the years of twisted abuse. So, I know he will never completely forget all the love and happiness.
He was and is the "apple of my eye". I will never forget curling up at bedtime and watching his movies. He would pull on my ear and I would cuddle his two feet in my hand. Oh, how he loved a cup of chocolate milk from time to time at bedtime. He was soooooo goood. When it was time to go to sleep he would go right on in to his room to be put to bed. :)
Zechariah 2:8 (King James Version)
8For thus saith the LORD of hosts; After the glory hath he sent me unto the nations which spoiled you: for he that toucheth you toucheth the apple of his eye.
One of my favorite memories came one night when I was cooking dinner. He wanted to help and he was so little. I gave him a little potato, a paper plate and a butter knife. He sat at the table trying to peel that potato and said, "I cookin', Mema!".
He was always so good in stores and at church. I never had a problem with him acting out. Quiet and so well behaved was he. The day of the big blow up his mamma said he was a Brat and that he was kicking and biting and hitting. But, he did not do those things here. She said it was because we were spoiling him. ok...I serve a God who is able. I know he will watch over him, and hold him in his mighty arms.
I have come through the deepest, darkest time of my life. Through a childhood of mind blogging, cultural, social, and emotional confusion I never lost optimism. I never lived in despair or depression. Never, until this time of heartbreak. But, this time of test has taught me one thing. Hold fast to my faith in darkness, and seek his light. My mind was almost destroyed in this situation. I still hope and pray things will change and he will be back soon. Oh, how I love my great grandson.
4(For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;)
5Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;
My God is Able!~ My God is Able!~ My God is Able!~
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Amid the hustle and bustle...
I have tried to stay busy the last couple of weeks. With Christmas so close I've had plenty of things to keep me going. I did two Christmas angels again this year. One at the tribal office, a little girl, age six, and a boy thru the SA tree at KMart, a boy, age nine. I had done so much shopping at the last minute that finances were tight after I did the two angels. But, with frugal watching we made it to payday. Thank God! Whew! Most years I do my shopping over several months or weeks and that keeps the cost from blowing us out of the water. This year that just didn't happen.
I baked three small loaves and two large loaves of pumpkin bread on Monday. I took the three down to the SPD for the officers on all three shifts. I sent a large one to work with hubby and sent one home with my sister for her family. She works full time at the hospital and I know she has so little free time for baking. It made her so happy. She said she wasn't sure if she was gonna share with the family or not. lol
At the moment I have two more large loaves in the oven, and mix ready for the three small ones. I will do a cherry cobbler later and take the two larges loaves and cobbler to the SA dinner for residents tomorrow. :) It makes me feel good to do this as they don't even have homes, so a home baked dessert may make the holidays a little brighter in their hearts. I hope. The three little loaves will be distributed according to hubby's family rank. lol
Over Thanksgiving, daughter and I baked some goodies and took them to SA for the dinner there. We agreed we will do this annually in memory of her (paternal) Grandma Pug. She was such a great cook and baker. Her greatest joy was doing Sunday dinner for her family. She was a great example of a dying breed. Who cooks Sunday dinners anymore? Well, now my daughter does. :) My daughter was such a loving granddaughter to her. She went every Sunday that she possibly could and in the last months of her grandmas life she would scrub the bathroom every Sunday. Or, pick up prescriptions and such. All the family drama that occurred when she died has really been heartbreaking for my girl.
I did the same kind of stuff the last years of my step-moms life. When they are gone, it sure leaves a big hole in your heart, and in your life when you get used to being there for someone. But, I know from my own experience that in time, my daughter will come to cherish her memories, and the memories will sustain her. Right now the grief is so hard for her. This will be the first Christmas without a big DO at grandmas.
So, I am not having dinner. Dinner will be at her house. I know she feels a little overwhelmed because she is stressed. Not only that she works a very demanding full time job. But, I will do a good portion of the cooking and that will ease her burden. I think it will do her good to be at home, and experience the thrills and frustrations of a big DO at home. It will help her to take her first steps in following...
gotta take bread out of oven... timer is going off...
OK, last three in the oven.
in following in her grandmas and my footsteps. She does dinners large and small all the time but has been very hesitant about turkey and dressing. It is time. :) I know part of the reason is that grandma made the best dressing in the free world. But, she watched her often enough I know she can do it. With practice she can perfect and carry on. I make very good dressing but not the same as her grandma. I found my own variation years ago. We all do.
Tomorrow I will make my pumpkin pies and one pecan pie for Christmas dinner at her house.
I have rambled and babbled here to pass the time. My eyes are a bit blurry, but I just try to stay occupied. Idle hands and all that. lol For me it is an idle brain that causes so much trouble.
The bright spot in my days is knowing my son will be here, he is driving in for a couple hours on Christmas day. Oh, how I have missed him running in and out of here. But, he is so happy in his new home and the life they are building in Texas. They will run from house to house to try and visit all the relatives on both sides. :)
I don't know if I will get to see BoBo, but, I just keep praying for his health and safety. When the battle between fear and faith hits, or my vivid imagination goes into overload, I pray or read my Bible. My God is Able!
So, as the battle between good and evil continues to rage in the lives of all my loved ones, I just keep praying and trying to walk in faith.
I baked three small loaves and two large loaves of pumpkin bread on Monday. I took the three down to the SPD for the officers on all three shifts. I sent a large one to work with hubby and sent one home with my sister for her family. She works full time at the hospital and I know she has so little free time for baking. It made her so happy. She said she wasn't sure if she was gonna share with the family or not. lol
At the moment I have two more large loaves in the oven, and mix ready for the three small ones. I will do a cherry cobbler later and take the two larges loaves and cobbler to the SA dinner for residents tomorrow. :) It makes me feel good to do this as they don't even have homes, so a home baked dessert may make the holidays a little brighter in their hearts. I hope. The three little loaves will be distributed according to hubby's family rank. lol
Over Thanksgiving, daughter and I baked some goodies and took them to SA for the dinner there. We agreed we will do this annually in memory of her (paternal) Grandma Pug. She was such a great cook and baker. Her greatest joy was doing Sunday dinner for her family. She was a great example of a dying breed. Who cooks Sunday dinners anymore? Well, now my daughter does. :) My daughter was such a loving granddaughter to her. She went every Sunday that she possibly could and in the last months of her grandmas life she would scrub the bathroom every Sunday. Or, pick up prescriptions and such. All the family drama that occurred when she died has really been heartbreaking for my girl.
I did the same kind of stuff the last years of my step-moms life. When they are gone, it sure leaves a big hole in your heart, and in your life when you get used to being there for someone. But, I know from my own experience that in time, my daughter will come to cherish her memories, and the memories will sustain her. Right now the grief is so hard for her. This will be the first Christmas without a big DO at grandmas.
So, I am not having dinner. Dinner will be at her house. I know she feels a little overwhelmed because she is stressed. Not only that she works a very demanding full time job. But, I will do a good portion of the cooking and that will ease her burden. I think it will do her good to be at home, and experience the thrills and frustrations of a big DO at home. It will help her to take her first steps in following...
gotta take bread out of oven... timer is going off...
OK, last three in the oven.
in following in her grandmas and my footsteps. She does dinners large and small all the time but has been very hesitant about turkey and dressing. It is time. :) I know part of the reason is that grandma made the best dressing in the free world. But, she watched her often enough I know she can do it. With practice she can perfect and carry on. I make very good dressing but not the same as her grandma. I found my own variation years ago. We all do.
Tomorrow I will make my pumpkin pies and one pecan pie for Christmas dinner at her house.
I have rambled and babbled here to pass the time. My eyes are a bit blurry, but I just try to stay occupied. Idle hands and all that. lol For me it is an idle brain that causes so much trouble.
The bright spot in my days is knowing my son will be here, he is driving in for a couple hours on Christmas day. Oh, how I have missed him running in and out of here. But, he is so happy in his new home and the life they are building in Texas. They will run from house to house to try and visit all the relatives on both sides. :)
I don't know if I will get to see BoBo, but, I just keep praying for his health and safety. When the battle between fear and faith hits, or my vivid imagination goes into overload, I pray or read my Bible. My God is Able!
So, as the battle between good and evil continues to rage in the lives of all my loved ones, I just keep praying and trying to walk in faith.
December drivel...
Been running in circles. Had a major drama unfold just before the Thanksgiving holiday that left me reeling. Still trying to make a comeback from this situation. Baby Mama came to my house to pick up BoBo and proceeded to give me a tongue lashing for what she said was "telling her how to discipline her child." It was so bad. I tried to deal with it by being quiet for a couple minutes and then told her not to talk to me. She kept on and I kept telling her not to talk to me, and I finally lost my patience and told her to "shut up". She kept mouthing off and it escalated and I told her repeatedly to get out of my house. Now, I have not seen BoBo since then. This is a very short version of the whole crazy incident. A couple months ago Mommy and Daddy got back together and I am no longer the much treasured babysitter. They are ready to play house again, and that means my dear sweet BoBo becomes the little soldier. It breaks my heart. I must continually turn it over to God in prayer and it has been a rough month.
I have been told by Daddy when I Apologize to her we can make peace. But, I cannot accept the disrespect and be treated this way. I know if I aploigize it will set a pattern and she will be rolling over me from now on. She was so hateful and rude until I made her leave. And even then she was ranting as she went down the driveway.
AS for the holidays, I went through the shopping and wrapping process. I am joyful about my Savior but am too torn to be merry about all the hoopla. We have not put up a tree. It seems silly when there are no small children around to enjoy it. It has been so hard for my daughter to as they have placed her right in the middle. Since her grandma died she has grieved so much. WE have been clinging to each other through this ordeal. It would have been wonderful to have others of faith to turn to for both of us. Most of our families, including our husbands are not faithful in going to church or in their spiritual walk. We both have come to realize that a womens ministy would be so important at a time like this. It has made us stop and realize what we are missing in such a support system. I dread to think what life would be like for her without me and what my life would be like without her. I hope we can find a way to move into the future through all the drama. Like I say, I pray.
I got up this morning at 1:00a.m. as I could not sleep. Worry took over so I prayed and then I got into a Bible study of Angels. I am amazed at all the scripture there is where God used Angelic messengers and forces to deal with his children. It is odd how you can read something over and over and miss something important.
Lately I have found things in scripture that I never noticed before. Perhaps it is growth in my walk, or that I am ready as never before. Time will tell... I will post some insights in a blog later to follow up on these moments of Bible study. It keeps me sane and helps with the strength of my faith to stay in the word.
I have been told by Daddy when I Apologize to her we can make peace. But, I cannot accept the disrespect and be treated this way. I know if I aploigize it will set a pattern and she will be rolling over me from now on. She was so hateful and rude until I made her leave. And even then she was ranting as she went down the driveway.
AS for the holidays, I went through the shopping and wrapping process. I am joyful about my Savior but am too torn to be merry about all the hoopla. We have not put up a tree. It seems silly when there are no small children around to enjoy it. It has been so hard for my daughter to as they have placed her right in the middle. Since her grandma died she has grieved so much. WE have been clinging to each other through this ordeal. It would have been wonderful to have others of faith to turn to for both of us. Most of our families, including our husbands are not faithful in going to church or in their spiritual walk. We both have come to realize that a womens ministy would be so important at a time like this. It has made us stop and realize what we are missing in such a support system. I dread to think what life would be like for her without me and what my life would be like without her. I hope we can find a way to move into the future through all the drama. Like I say, I pray.
I got up this morning at 1:00a.m. as I could not sleep. Worry took over so I prayed and then I got into a Bible study of Angels. I am amazed at all the scripture there is where God used Angelic messengers and forces to deal with his children. It is odd how you can read something over and over and miss something important.
Lately I have found things in scripture that I never noticed before. Perhaps it is growth in my walk, or that I am ready as never before. Time will tell... I will post some insights in a blog later to follow up on these moments of Bible study. It keeps me sane and helps with the strength of my faith to stay in the word.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
What a time of heartbreak!~
My kids paternal grandma got sick and the last month has been a nightmare. She passed away last Saturday. Our friends David and Diann had a son named Dee and he died last week of a brain aneurysm. The funeral was Thursday. Last Sunday night my nephew (19 yrs old) committed suicide. The funeral was this week. His mom is so sickly and very near her own time as it is and this was almost the final straw for her. Neighbors down the road from the store lost their son too and his funeral was last Saturday. It seems like I cooked food day and night this last week for funerals or to send to the hospital waiting room. By Sunday this week I was on crash and burn.
Grandma Pug's funeral is this Thursday. I just keep praying my way thru it all.
The computer crashed yesterday. Been having problems with it. Took it to the Shawnee Computer Hospital late yesterday. The guys there are so awesome. The had it ready to go at 7:30a.m. this morning. There were grandma pictures on there that my daughter wanted for the funeral collage. I got the puter home and emailed the pics to her so she has them now. Whew. SCH techo guys told me I probably need to upgrade to a new computer tower. I will no longer do the Facebook/Twitter social networking. It is far to easy to get hit by a virus. This is the third crash we've had to deal with in the last 9 months.
I draw strength in all this heartbreak from the knowledge that There is a God. That there is a heaven and that Jesus saves. I am so thankful for that spiritual confidence and I am so blessed to know that my son and my daughter and my grandchildren are Christian's. They are not as active in church as they should be, but, Oh, "thank God", the are praying people and children. They could not have survived all this without him. The other members of Grandma's family are really struggling with this loss.
Grandma Pug's funeral is this Thursday. I just keep praying my way thru it all.
The computer crashed yesterday. Been having problems with it. Took it to the Shawnee Computer Hospital late yesterday. The guys there are so awesome. The had it ready to go at 7:30a.m. this morning. There were grandma pictures on there that my daughter wanted for the funeral collage. I got the puter home and emailed the pics to her so she has them now. Whew. SCH techo guys told me I probably need to upgrade to a new computer tower. I will no longer do the Facebook/Twitter social networking. It is far to easy to get hit by a virus. This is the third crash we've had to deal with in the last 9 months.
I draw strength in all this heartbreak from the knowledge that There is a God. That there is a heaven and that Jesus saves. I am so thankful for that spiritual confidence and I am so blessed to know that my son and my daughter and my grandchildren are Christian's. They are not as active in church as they should be, but, Oh, "thank God", the are praying people and children. They could not have survived all this without him. The other members of Grandma's family are really struggling with this loss.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
My God is Able!~
19. Then they cry unto the LORD in their trouble, and he saveth them out of their distresses. 20. He sent his word, and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions. (King James Version)
I am standing on his promises. Believing his word in all things. My husband, my children, my grandchildren and my great grandchild. The grand kids have had their share of drama and crisis lately. My second to oldest grandson was jumped from behind while sitting in his seat in class last week. Both boys ended up in ER. The attacker was suspended for only three days. He is now back in school. I pray for the guidance in the life of my boys. Youngest grandson was with me at the doctor for a much needed asthma/allergy shot when the incident happened. The same day my oldest grandson headed for the doctor as he was coughing blood. My granddaughter is having problems with annoying health issues too. BoBo has had an off and on rash lately. He has been moving with his mama and there has been drama. My babies, my babies. My God is Able!~
I am standing on his promises. Believing his word in all things. My husband, my children, my grandchildren and my great grandchild. The grand kids have had their share of drama and crisis lately. My second to oldest grandson was jumped from behind while sitting in his seat in class last week. Both boys ended up in ER. The attacker was suspended for only three days. He is now back in school. I pray for the guidance in the life of my boys. Youngest grandson was with me at the doctor for a much needed asthma/allergy shot when the incident happened. The same day my oldest grandson headed for the doctor as he was coughing blood. My granddaughter is having problems with annoying health issues too. BoBo has had an off and on rash lately. He has been moving with his mama and there has been drama. My babies, my babies. My God is Able!~
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
The Apostolic Life by David K. Bernard
The Apostolic Life by David K. Bernard was a fascinating and very informative book. I learned so much and this book answered so many questions. I came away with a clearer understanding of the differences in trinitarian and oneness beliefs for one thing. This was the kind of book that after each chapter I had to take time to think it over and process the reading material. Chapters in this book included information on Science and Scripture, Evangelism, Ministry, Outreach, roles of women in church and so forth. There were chapters here that did not apply to me personally, but the reading was still very interesting. The areas that I found to be useful for me on a personal level, left me with guidance for spiritual growth and enlightenment.
So many of the books I read in all honesty are just drivel. Some are very highly entertaining but, provide nothing more. Entertainment is great too. But, sometimes the mind, body and spirit need so much more than entertainment fodder for the brain.
I borrowed this book from my Pastor and I so wanted to keep it.
Several months ago during a sermon he preached on how we need to fuel our spirits with positive reading materials. I am making a conscious effort to add spiritual guidance materials to my piles.
Last week I went to the T-Town Library book sale, and came away with two bags. One is loaded with books by authors like Corrie Ten Boom and Joyce Meyers. The other bag with books to add the the winter stash for entertainment. This year is fast flying by and I have had so little time to read. I did read one other book recently and it took me over two weeks. I am an obsessive reader and a paperback never takes more than a day or two. But, this has been a hectic demanding year and this month more than all the others. I will try and take a day a week this fall to do some catch up reading. :
So many of the books I read in all honesty are just drivel. Some are very highly entertaining but, provide nothing more. Entertainment is great too. But, sometimes the mind, body and spirit need so much more than entertainment fodder for the brain.
I borrowed this book from my Pastor and I so wanted to keep it.
Several months ago during a sermon he preached on how we need to fuel our spirits with positive reading materials. I am making a conscious effort to add spiritual guidance materials to my piles.
Last week I went to the T-Town Library book sale, and came away with two bags. One is loaded with books by authors like Corrie Ten Boom and Joyce Meyers. The other bag with books to add the the winter stash for entertainment. This year is fast flying by and I have had so little time to read. I did read one other book recently and it took me over two weeks. I am an obsessive reader and a paperback never takes more than a day or two. But, this has been a hectic demanding year and this month more than all the others. I will try and take a day a week this fall to do some catch up reading. :
Friday, August 6, 2010
blowin ' the place...
Whew!~ Been runnin' in circles all day. Finally slowin' down. Sittin' at my daughters house using my granddaughters laptop. lol Took her internet for my blog time. lol
Fought with the flea problem for days now. Finally made contact with a very reputable exterminator and they are spraying my house, so, I am staying away for a few hours. I hope this solves the problem. We bought the very good once a month pills for our dogs, but, I don't know if this will eliminate the bugs. Our neighbor still has her pack of dogs and two cats. Time will tell. *sigh*
I have not had BoBo this week, so in my down time I got almost all of my huge pile of mending caught up. Just a few more pieces left to do. Yipeeeeee!~ I put new zippers in three pair of hunnys pants, mended and patched three pair of Putt-Putt boys blue jeans. I put new buttons on several things, and finished three new undertank type teddy tops. :) To anyone else all this may be humdrum, but, the pile has grown for sometime now, so, I feel I accomplished a big project. lol It's just life in the fast lane for granny. lol
My hunny has been working such long days. Going in at 5am and heading to the hayfield at 4pm to mow, rake, or bale hay. Getting home around 8:30 or 9:00pm. He is such a hard worker, and I so wish he could slow down. Hay season will be over for him soon though. I think we need to plan a week-end get-a-way in mid September. Take a fall drive and see the sights somewhere down the road. I need to add that to my list of things to do. :) :) He is an amazing man, and this is sometimes the only way to get him away for a break.
Daughter and her little extended herd are planning a road trip to Wichita Falls, Texas. This place they are going to, Castaway Cove has all of the kiddies pumped. lol I can only imagine what the trip will be like with all the kiddies and their grand kiddies. lol Been there, done that! While the memories and pics are great it sure can wear a person out. lol
I have not talked to my son or his boys all week. :{ Such is life sometimes, I guess. It makes me sad to know that my youngest grandson is mad at me. It may be that his being mad translates into his older brother being mad too. Oh well. Not much I can do but let things go for now as is. I don't know if since their Dad is in Texas if either of them told their Dad what happened between young one and me. I will not tell him. If they want to tell him, I will talk to him about the situation if and only if he brings it up first. *sigh* No one can say I am a tattletale. lol
My verse today that keeps cropping up has been:
Ephesians 6:13 (King James Version)
13Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
I have rambled enough for now. I have a book with me and I am so ready to get back to reading it. :)
Fought with the flea problem for days now. Finally made contact with a very reputable exterminator and they are spraying my house, so, I am staying away for a few hours. I hope this solves the problem. We bought the very good once a month pills for our dogs, but, I don't know if this will eliminate the bugs. Our neighbor still has her pack of dogs and two cats. Time will tell. *sigh*
I have not had BoBo this week, so in my down time I got almost all of my huge pile of mending caught up. Just a few more pieces left to do. Yipeeeeee!~ I put new zippers in three pair of hunnys pants, mended and patched three pair of Putt-Putt boys blue jeans. I put new buttons on several things, and finished three new undertank type teddy tops. :) To anyone else all this may be humdrum, but, the pile has grown for sometime now, so, I feel I accomplished a big project. lol It's just life in the fast lane for granny. lol
My hunny has been working such long days. Going in at 5am and heading to the hayfield at 4pm to mow, rake, or bale hay. Getting home around 8:30 or 9:00pm. He is such a hard worker, and I so wish he could slow down. Hay season will be over for him soon though. I think we need to plan a week-end get-a-way in mid September. Take a fall drive and see the sights somewhere down the road. I need to add that to my list of things to do. :) :) He is an amazing man, and this is sometimes the only way to get him away for a break.
Daughter and her little extended herd are planning a road trip to Wichita Falls, Texas. This place they are going to, Castaway Cove has all of the kiddies pumped. lol I can only imagine what the trip will be like with all the kiddies and their grand kiddies. lol Been there, done that! While the memories and pics are great it sure can wear a person out. lol
I have not talked to my son or his boys all week. :{ Such is life sometimes, I guess. It makes me sad to know that my youngest grandson is mad at me. It may be that his being mad translates into his older brother being mad too. Oh well. Not much I can do but let things go for now as is. I don't know if since their Dad is in Texas if either of them told their Dad what happened between young one and me. I will not tell him. If they want to tell him, I will talk to him about the situation if and only if he brings it up first. *sigh* No one can say I am a tattletale. lol
My verse today that keeps cropping up has been:
Ephesians 6:13 (King James Version)
13Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
I have rambled enough for now. I have a book with me and I am so ready to get back to reading it. :)
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Finding...A Man of God. ~2~
When I was in and out of churches it doesn't take much to figure out that I was living in a worldly place. I was struggling to be a proper mother to my two children and still living a wild life in some ways. I was making sure my children knew about God as best I could. I taught them to say prayers, especially at bedtime just like my Mother did for me. My mother used to read me Bible stories so I knew all the basics. I thought I knew enough about God. Oh, how foolish we can be!~
While trying to maintain the home life for the sake of my children, I was drinking and prowling when they were away for the week-end or the night. At one point I was working three jobs just to make ends meet. I did not get child support and I did not qualify for any kind of assistance. I worked day care during the week, did babysitting as needed nights and week-ends, cleaned house for a couple of ladies, and waitressed three nights a week at a local club. And there, I found a way to self-medicate. Alcohol is one the devil's greatest and most subtle tools of trade. It anesthetizes. And heaven knows that considering the emotional state I was in, I need something to dull the emotional pain.
From a childhood of confused roots I was also sexually abused by my Dad. Born to an Indian girl during the early 50's, and abandoned by good ole Dad while she was pregnant, I was a prime candidate for "looney ala halfbreed" from the start. She was a very wild and misguided young girl who abused her firstborn, lost her second child to the father, and gave birth to me in the middle of it all. In all fairness to Dad, she was too wild to be settled with him or anyone else. In just a few years she was forced by courts to turn me over to the custody of Dad. He had married in the meantime to a very good citified christian lady. I am sure she took one look at me and knew I was in need of proper civilization efforts. lol
I was used to using an outhouse, drinking water from a hand drawn well, and eating my veggies while sitting in the dirt of the garden. I spent a lot of time with my Indian grandpa at the time, and one of my earlies favorite memories is sitting there, eating cucumbers while he hoed his garden. I loved being at his house as did all the other children in the family. When our mother married an older man and became pregnant, we lived in our own little shotgun shack some miles away from dear Grandpa. Some of my earliest memories include watching my young drunken mother abuse my sister Jeannie. She wound hit, throw shoes, and we would hide behind the wood burning stove. I remember going to school with Jeannie and walking home from school cold and hungry. This is the mid 1950's please remember.
Grandpa was an Indian preacher so he was gone sometimes for days on end. He traveled to meetings all over the country. He would bring home a treat called sweetmeat and it was so delicious. I remember my older cousins hunting squirrel for food to eat in winter. I remember the smell of wood fire smoke as it haunts my memories of a wonderful Grandpa who simply could not care for all of us children on a long term basis. But I remember him with a loving heart. To this day one of my favorite foods in just a plain old biscuit. :) This dear sweet Man of God never learned to read, never went to church, but he knew to worship his Creator. He did it the Indian way.
When my Dad got custody I had to learn all things related to a White world. I do not mean to say that hatefully. The two worlds were as different as night and day. When Mom first tried to feed me spaghetti I thought she was trying to feed me bloody worms. My first restaurant experience she offered me a burger and french fries. I did not want any of that food. When the fries arrived I was so upset because I wanted some fried potatoes too. Five years old is too young to get specific with questioning in some areas. lol
My Dad's dad, Grandpa S., was very religious, as was my stepmother. While they were a religious family the demands on my simple culture shocked mind were just too much. Over time I did adapt to electric lights, running water, proper english, the food, and overall lifestyle changes, other things took more time. Emotionally I was still a little Indian girl missing her family so much.
The only Man of God in my life was this Grandpa S. and he was a southern transplant who really resented his oldest sons, bad seed, half-breed, born out of wedlock child. Were it not for my stepmother and her Christian grace, my faith would never have rooted in early childhood. I did grow up to be so confused by it all. She got sick around three years later and started spending lots of time in the hospital and my Dad took full advantage of the opportunity to start doing a lifetime of damage.
to be continued...
While trying to maintain the home life for the sake of my children, I was drinking and prowling when they were away for the week-end or the night. At one point I was working three jobs just to make ends meet. I did not get child support and I did not qualify for any kind of assistance. I worked day care during the week, did babysitting as needed nights and week-ends, cleaned house for a couple of ladies, and waitressed three nights a week at a local club. And there, I found a way to self-medicate. Alcohol is one the devil's greatest and most subtle tools of trade. It anesthetizes. And heaven knows that considering the emotional state I was in, I need something to dull the emotional pain.
From a childhood of confused roots I was also sexually abused by my Dad. Born to an Indian girl during the early 50's, and abandoned by good ole Dad while she was pregnant, I was a prime candidate for "looney ala halfbreed" from the start. She was a very wild and misguided young girl who abused her firstborn, lost her second child to the father, and gave birth to me in the middle of it all. In all fairness to Dad, she was too wild to be settled with him or anyone else. In just a few years she was forced by courts to turn me over to the custody of Dad. He had married in the meantime to a very good citified christian lady. I am sure she took one look at me and knew I was in need of proper civilization efforts. lol
I was used to using an outhouse, drinking water from a hand drawn well, and eating my veggies while sitting in the dirt of the garden. I spent a lot of time with my Indian grandpa at the time, and one of my earlies favorite memories is sitting there, eating cucumbers while he hoed his garden. I loved being at his house as did all the other children in the family. When our mother married an older man and became pregnant, we lived in our own little shotgun shack some miles away from dear Grandpa. Some of my earliest memories include watching my young drunken mother abuse my sister Jeannie. She wound hit, throw shoes, and we would hide behind the wood burning stove. I remember going to school with Jeannie and walking home from school cold and hungry. This is the mid 1950's please remember.
Grandpa was an Indian preacher so he was gone sometimes for days on end. He traveled to meetings all over the country. He would bring home a treat called sweetmeat and it was so delicious. I remember my older cousins hunting squirrel for food to eat in winter. I remember the smell of wood fire smoke as it haunts my memories of a wonderful Grandpa who simply could not care for all of us children on a long term basis. But I remember him with a loving heart. To this day one of my favorite foods in just a plain old biscuit. :) This dear sweet Man of God never learned to read, never went to church, but he knew to worship his Creator. He did it the Indian way.
When my Dad got custody I had to learn all things related to a White world. I do not mean to say that hatefully. The two worlds were as different as night and day. When Mom first tried to feed me spaghetti I thought she was trying to feed me bloody worms. My first restaurant experience she offered me a burger and french fries. I did not want any of that food. When the fries arrived I was so upset because I wanted some fried potatoes too. Five years old is too young to get specific with questioning in some areas. lol
My Dad's dad, Grandpa S., was very religious, as was my stepmother. While they were a religious family the demands on my simple culture shocked mind were just too much. Over time I did adapt to electric lights, running water, proper english, the food, and overall lifestyle changes, other things took more time. Emotionally I was still a little Indian girl missing her family so much.
The only Man of God in my life was this Grandpa S. and he was a southern transplant who really resented his oldest sons, bad seed, half-breed, born out of wedlock child. Were it not for my stepmother and her Christian grace, my faith would never have rooted in early childhood. I did grow up to be so confused by it all. She got sick around three years later and started spending lots of time in the hospital and my Dad took full advantage of the opportunity to start doing a lifetime of damage.
to be continued...
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