Sis is going out of town for the weekend and Ric is still at church camp. Dixie, Ric's little teacup yorkie is here again for a couple days. I am rotating the dogs. Got Noodle in the bedroom, and our big dog, Lady Bug is out back and in and out of the garage for a few hours. Lady is big and scares Dixie, Noodle is old and cranky with her.
I had BoBo all day yesterday so I didn't get a thing done. I am doing laundry and listening to the news to catch up on current events. There were six or seven earthquakes in Indonesia this week. I hear about all the signs we are being hammered with and I am reminded we really are living in the last days.
I am heartsick like so many others over this epic oil crisis in the gulf. My heart goes out to the people, the wildlife and the aquatic creatures. I know that we were given dominion over the earth and all the creatures. It is enraging that mankind can create this kind of devastation on this our good earth. It is truly amazing what God allows. And, people wonder if he exists or if he loves them. Mind boggling!~
I have a very special book to read in the coming days. It is titled "The Apostolic Life" by David K. Brennan. Pastor loaned it to another member and I saw it laying in the pew when he was to return it. I was blessed that Pastor stopped just then and I got permission to read it too. :) Good spiritual guidance books aside from the Bible are hard for me to find.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Spiritual Awakening
For the last five years I have been back in church. For the first two of those years I attended a non-denominational contemporary church because my son and my daughter were taking my grandchildren there. It was a very nice church and the pastoring was very inspiring and as close to Biblical as I thought it could be. I was raised Baptist and while this was not a Baptist church the teachings seemed relevant and very good.
I tried time and again to get my sister to go to church with me. She did attend one of the women's ministry meetings with me. But, that was the extent of her desire to participate. Then three years ago, around the Fourth of July, I came home one Saturday afternoon and found a church flyer on the porch. I could see young people up and down the streets leaving them on doors. It was so hot and I was so impressed with that group of teenagers. They could have been doing any number of things on that hot Saturday afternoon. Yet, they chose to do a faith based outreach. It was touching.
Later in the evening my sister called and was telling me about the kids passing through her neighborhood that day. She was curious about this church and asked me to go with her and see what it was like. I was thrilled and was more than ready if it meant she would get back in church. So, we made our plans and attended Sunday morning service. I would probably have attended almost any church to get my sister off her duff. Things were really bad for her and I knew how much it would help to find a place to fill her heart with his peace. I had found something that was helping me.
I was however, a little apprehensive about this plan. It was a Pentecostal church and I was raised to believe certain things about those pentecostal people. I figured I would go a few times until she was more comfortable and then return to my little church. She attended a Pentecostal church years ago and said it was the only denomination she would really feel at peace with if she attended a church.
Growing up Baptist I was firmly ensconced in the idea that the pentecostal people claimed to have the Holy Ghost and they claimed to speak in tongues. Now that,according to the teachings I'd been bombarded with was against all our beliefs. I was taught that tongues were for the early Christians only. I wondered all my life why Jesus would give it to them and not give it to the rest of his followers.
I tried time and again to get my sister to go to church with me. She did attend one of the women's ministry meetings with me. But, that was the extent of her desire to participate. Then three years ago, around the Fourth of July, I came home one Saturday afternoon and found a church flyer on the porch. I could see young people up and down the streets leaving them on doors. It was so hot and I was so impressed with that group of teenagers. They could have been doing any number of things on that hot Saturday afternoon. Yet, they chose to do a faith based outreach. It was touching.
Later in the evening my sister called and was telling me about the kids passing through her neighborhood that day. She was curious about this church and asked me to go with her and see what it was like. I was thrilled and was more than ready if it meant she would get back in church. So, we made our plans and attended Sunday morning service. I would probably have attended almost any church to get my sister off her duff. Things were really bad for her and I knew how much it would help to find a place to fill her heart with his peace. I had found something that was helping me.
I was however, a little apprehensive about this plan. It was a Pentecostal church and I was raised to believe certain things about those pentecostal people. I figured I would go a few times until she was more comfortable and then return to my little church. She attended a Pentecostal church years ago and said it was the only denomination she would really feel at peace with if she attended a church.
Growing up Baptist I was firmly ensconced in the idea that the pentecostal people claimed to have the Holy Ghost and they claimed to speak in tongues. Now that,according to the teachings I'd been bombarded with was against all our beliefs. I was taught that tongues were for the early Christians only. I wondered all my life why Jesus would give it to them and not give it to the rest of his followers.
Never mind the fact that in the course of my adult life I had visited Church of Christ, Methodist, Freewill Baptist, Episcopal, and even took catechism in the Catholic church for a time. I was a seeker. Some will say that kind of person just hops from church to church. But, there always seemed to be something critical missing. I would find a sense of peace and the worship was sometimes beautiful. I got some great Biblical teachings. I knew I had been touched and felt his touch many times, but I could never get past the feelings of unworthiness. I never felt the feeling of forgiveness. The guilt and shame always lay just below the surface. Something was always lacking in me or in the church and I knew it.
Salvation in a Baptist church at the age of 13 was beautiful. But, over the years I knew something was missing in me. I would feel the touch, the move of his spirit and then in no time I was floundering spiritually once more. That was how I lived over the years as I tried one denomination after another.
I was in that church that first Sunday and I knew within just a few minutes they had something special. The praise and worship during the music was filling my heart with longing and need. I was reaching out to him and the people in that church were doing it too, right out loud! I could hear people praying and I too had my hands raised praying silently.
I know that He hears our prayers when we pray silently, but, there was something so powerful in the outright prayers of these people. It carried me home and back again, time after time. I was seeking with all my heart. When the Pastor approached me and talked about the Holy Ghost I was a bit confused because of former teachings. But, I kept listening and learning. I was still reading my Bible daily, but, this time, I was finding that my understanding was growing by leaps and bounds. I started to understand Acts chapter 2.
With the help of Pastor Bowman, Brother Roberts and the women who surrounded me in prayer, I finally prayed, (out loud) and prayed through and got the Holy Ghost. It is the most incredible, amazing, peace filling, happy, extremely joyous feeling I have ever known. I was so filled with the Holy Ghost and started speaking in tongues. My entire body felt warm and at peace, relaxed and joyful. I even had revelations during my second experience. But, that is a story for another time. But, I knew Jesus so intimately in that one instance and I knew he was living in me. I was down in front of the altar. I looked up and around and my Sister was several feet to my left and she had renewed her gift of the Holy Ghost at the exact same time. She was standing there reaching to the heavens and praying in tongues. It was amazing!~
All my life I had tried to be good to people, do good works, pray and seek, all to find that something was still lacking in me. I was a sinner and the shame and guilt was there like a great shadow making me feel unworthy. Now I know without question that he died for me, for you, for all who will seek his face. I have found his grace in full, and it is the thing I cherish above all else. This experience was my greatest blessing in life.
I decided to get baptised. Again. Ihad been baptised in two other churches. BUT!~ But, this time, when Pastor said the words, " In Jesus Name", I felt the washing away of my sins. I came up out of the baptistry with my entire body tingling and I knew as I stood there I was a new creature and that I was washed and made whole. Made whole!~ Whole for the first time in my life. Joy filled my soul again, and I was walking on the moon. God is good and I try and encourage my loved ones to seek his face.
And without faith it is impossible to please him, for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him. Hebrews 11:6
If you are reading this I will say again; I started this blog so that if I pass on, my children and grandchildren will have something to turn to in my absence. It is my greatest desire that they seek his face by going to church and reading the Bible. But, my mother wished the same for me. I went to church after church, fell and stumbled and lost my way so many times. I know how hard it is to find your way in the midst of the darkness and confusion this life creates. The battle rages for every soul and every life.
Most churches don't preach the Holy Ghost experience and talking in tongues is considered taboo in most of todays churches. But, I would rather lay down and die than deny what I have been blessed with. I have been touched and filled by my Jesus and life is worth living. "Because He lives I can face tomorrow." Words from an old song. Words I now live by.
Empty Nest Syndrome
I am 57 years old. I thought for months I was 56 and lo, and behold, I just found out I am 57 and will be 58 on my birthday. It is amazing how the old mind works. Or, should I say how it doesn't work. LOL
My daughter came for lunch today and we commiserated about the Empty Nest Syndrome. Her youngest, 15 year old (Miss Priss), has a busy summer schedule this year. Lately it has been drivers education. Next comes the trips to Church camp, followed by Cheer camp, and another church camp and so forth and so on. Mom said this will be her last summer to constantly haul to and fro from one activity to another. Miss Priss even has a part time summer job this year helping her dad work the concessions at the school ball field. Daddy and his wife open up and Miss Priss goes up later and works the counter during games, for evenings and week-end tournaments. Busy girl!~ Mom knows that next year Miss Priss will be doing her own driving.
This leaves her hubby to go to his fishing tournaments and fish days (that last all day) without her this year. She wants to closely track the travels of our girl during her summer, as it should be. So, she has had to make choices about some of the week-end and evening activities that she and hubby are accustomed to participating in. She has been to a number of ball games and tournaments when His grandchildren were scheduled to play. He should try and be more understanding about her desire to be a good Mother.
For my part in all this, my 39 year old son has moved to East Texas about 20 miles from the Louisiana state line. For all their lives my son and daughter have been within hollering distance almost. He could stay for dinner, drop by anytime and he did. I got used to him popping in and out during the day, sometimes for lunch, for a drink, use the directory, or computer, or just hangout. It has been hard the last week or so for me to know he isn't doing that anymore.
His boys are still here with their mom for the summer activities. I will see them. My oldest grandson, 21, stays a night or two a week over here. I still have BoBo at least two nights a week. Were it not for the time I have with him, I think the grief over my son moving would be very difficult for me. But, I know the work situation there as a result of this economy is much better than here in Shawnee. He has already found a beautiful house and is making arrangements for it. He sent pictures and we text back and forth. I try not to bug him. So, I only text the morning scripture and wait for his contact. I Don't wanna be a tiresome mom. Momma misses him so much though.
Not just a month ago, he had some free time so he mowed and was going to do the weed eating in the backyard. While he was out in back he started raking leaves under the Magnolia tree and picked up a small copperhead snake. That has been a real worrier for me since then. LOL I've been convinced since that the retainer wall is housing a nest. But, I digress. My point is, he was in and out and now he is in Texas. Oh! woe is Momma! LOL
WE have always been such a close knit bunch it is very hard on his sister too. I am just so thankful that for so many years my kids were right here. WE had impromptu lunches and dinners, visits and get-togethers. I am blessed.
I just pray that all goes well in Texas. And, I pray all goes well with drivers ed and Miss Priss traveling on the road. LOL
My daughter came for lunch today and we commiserated about the Empty Nest Syndrome. Her youngest, 15 year old (Miss Priss), has a busy summer schedule this year. Lately it has been drivers education. Next comes the trips to Church camp, followed by Cheer camp, and another church camp and so forth and so on. Mom said this will be her last summer to constantly haul to and fro from one activity to another. Miss Priss even has a part time summer job this year helping her dad work the concessions at the school ball field. Daddy and his wife open up and Miss Priss goes up later and works the counter during games, for evenings and week-end tournaments. Busy girl!~ Mom knows that next year Miss Priss will be doing her own driving.
This leaves her hubby to go to his fishing tournaments and fish days (that last all day) without her this year. She wants to closely track the travels of our girl during her summer, as it should be. So, she has had to make choices about some of the week-end and evening activities that she and hubby are accustomed to participating in. She has been to a number of ball games and tournaments when His grandchildren were scheduled to play. He should try and be more understanding about her desire to be a good Mother.
For my part in all this, my 39 year old son has moved to East Texas about 20 miles from the Louisiana state line. For all their lives my son and daughter have been within hollering distance almost. He could stay for dinner, drop by anytime and he did. I got used to him popping in and out during the day, sometimes for lunch, for a drink, use the directory, or computer, or just hangout. It has been hard the last week or so for me to know he isn't doing that anymore.
His boys are still here with their mom for the summer activities. I will see them. My oldest grandson, 21, stays a night or two a week over here. I still have BoBo at least two nights a week. Were it not for the time I have with him, I think the grief over my son moving would be very difficult for me. But, I know the work situation there as a result of this economy is much better than here in Shawnee. He has already found a beautiful house and is making arrangements for it. He sent pictures and we text back and forth. I try not to bug him. So, I only text the morning scripture and wait for his contact. I Don't wanna be a tiresome mom. Momma misses him so much though.
Not just a month ago, he had some free time so he mowed and was going to do the weed eating in the backyard. While he was out in back he started raking leaves under the Magnolia tree and picked up a small copperhead snake. That has been a real worrier for me since then. LOL I've been convinced since that the retainer wall is housing a nest. But, I digress. My point is, he was in and out and now he is in Texas. Oh! woe is Momma! LOL
WE have always been such a close knit bunch it is very hard on his sister too. I am just so thankful that for so many years my kids were right here. WE had impromptu lunches and dinners, visits and get-togethers. I am blessed.
I just pray that all goes well in Texas. And, I pray all goes well with drivers ed and Miss Priss traveling on the road. LOL
Trials and a time of testing.
My son and my daughter are both going through a time of trials and testing right now. It is so difficult to walk through this world and still hold to faith. I keep trying to remind them that My God Is Able. I wish I could help them understand using the Book of Job to guide them that the battle between good and evil rages in their lives and in the lives of their loved ones too.
The battle is fierce and the Devil really does prowl the world seeking to destroy and he is vicious.
I Peter 5:8. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.
Yes... he will devour the mind or the body or even worse the spirit.
The two scriptures I offered for their guidance are:
Psalm 37:4,5
4. Delight thyself also in the Lord; and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
5. Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.
It has been my experience the last few years that when a crisis hits, if I can just turn my mind from negativity and pray with the knowledge that nothing is impossible with God, prayers are answered. Some examples in my Book of Remembrances are when loved ones have been healed. He is so mighty, so merciful, and so compassionate. I reach out to him because I am only human and without his touch in my life, things get so crazy or complicated, or confusing. The mental and physical healing I have received has strenghtened my faith. The mercy I found has made me whole mentally and in so many other ways. I am a woman who has been loosed. I have found my "fix". I don't need to shop til I drop, or go out and party. I don't need to roll with friends, or battle the gossip wars to survive. I don't need a drink, I don't need what the world has to offer. When financial woes hit I am ready and have found how to offer it to him. My comfort comes from the knowledge that God is going to win the battle between the good and evil. My comfort comes when I stop and hold my heart and mind up to him.
So, as the battles rage in the lives of my loved ones, I will seek his mercy and carry the thought that I can now come boldly into his presence by the blood of Jesus. Boldly!~ I will carry the pain or heartbreak, or confusion, or complications to his presence. I do this daily. I will reach out to my provider, my healer, my rock, my strength, my fortress, my stronghold.
He provides emotional and spiritual guidance, as well as guiding me financially. My healer can heal the heart, mind, body and spirit. My rock can hold me steady emotionally. My Strength can carry me through those moments when the battle weakens me. My fortress is where I can hide emotionally and gain stability. My stronghold is there to protect me and to give me rest. He is all!~ He is Jehovah Shalom, my God of Peace. He is Jehovah Shammah, my God who is Present. He is Emmanuel and he dwells in me. IN ME!~
The battle is fierce and the Devil really does prowl the world seeking to destroy and he is vicious.
I Peter 5:8. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.
Yes... he will devour the mind or the body or even worse the spirit.
The two scriptures I offered for their guidance are:
Psalm 37:4,5
4. Delight thyself also in the Lord; and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
5. Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.
It has been my experience the last few years that when a crisis hits, if I can just turn my mind from negativity and pray with the knowledge that nothing is impossible with God, prayers are answered. Some examples in my Book of Remembrances are when loved ones have been healed. He is so mighty, so merciful, and so compassionate. I reach out to him because I am only human and without his touch in my life, things get so crazy or complicated, or confusing. The mental and physical healing I have received has strenghtened my faith. The mercy I found has made me whole mentally and in so many other ways. I am a woman who has been loosed. I have found my "fix". I don't need to shop til I drop, or go out and party. I don't need to roll with friends, or battle the gossip wars to survive. I don't need a drink, I don't need what the world has to offer. When financial woes hit I am ready and have found how to offer it to him. My comfort comes from the knowledge that God is going to win the battle between the good and evil. My comfort comes when I stop and hold my heart and mind up to him.
So, as the battles rage in the lives of my loved ones, I will seek his mercy and carry the thought that I can now come boldly into his presence by the blood of Jesus. Boldly!~ I will carry the pain or heartbreak, or confusion, or complications to his presence. I do this daily. I will reach out to my provider, my healer, my rock, my strength, my fortress, my stronghold.
He provides emotional and spiritual guidance, as well as guiding me financially. My healer can heal the heart, mind, body and spirit. My rock can hold me steady emotionally. My Strength can carry me through those moments when the battle weakens me. My fortress is where I can hide emotionally and gain stability. My stronghold is there to protect me and to give me rest. He is all!~ He is Jehovah Shalom, my God of Peace. He is Jehovah Shammah, my God who is Present. He is Emmanuel and he dwells in me. IN ME!~
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Book of Remembrances! My Heart!~
Wow!~ Ten years ago on June 1, 2000, I had open heart surgery. When people hear the words open heart surgery they immediately assume I had bypass surgery as it is quite common. But, my surgery involved replacing the aortic valve. For many years now the practice of replacing a valve with a pig valve has been successful, but the pig valve would sometimes fail after ten years or so.
God bless Dr. Paul Kanaly of Oklahoma City. He decided to replace my valve with a metal valve. Yes... I said metal. It is coated with something similar to teflon. LOL No joke. The beating of my heart and the flow of blood keeps the valve moving in motion with the rest of my heart. Personally, I think it is a God deal in more ways than one. The story of how I came to get an implanted heart prosthetic is now mind boggling to me. Since I lived it day by day the reality of how close I came to meeting my maker at the time is very real to me.
Most of my life I was pretty healthy, and rarely went to the doctor. But, as a child my parents were told I had a heart murmur, and that I had to be careful with athletics and such. Being a kid I thought it was all nonsense coming from the doctors. Well, about the time I hit the age of 45 I was having numerous health problems and then the heart trouble started. *sigh*
I went to the doctor repeatedly telling him about the chest pains. The doctor here at home finally told me there was nothing wrong with my heart. In fact, he said I needed counseling. He, Dr. McB. had labeled me as a hypochondriac for all the complaining. I had even made trips to the ER on a few occasions with chest pain and they too treated me as a joke. It was frustrating.
There is nothing so scary as having chest pains day or night and not knowing what to do about it. Thank God my husband took me seriously during the first part of this ordeal or I would have lost my mind. He would haul me to ER and or the doctor and they would listen and even do EKG's. Nothing showed up or sounded abnormal. So I was patted on the head and sent home. The final straw came one night when the chest pain was so intense I could barely breathe when I woke up. Later at the ER they called Doctor McB., and he told them to give me some kind of cocktail and send me home. Apparently the cocktail was a mix of drugs commonly given to pregnant women to subdue them??? I refused the drugs and left.
Not long after that it hit again, in the middle of the night. My Husband and I decided it was useless to go to that ER. So, he took me halfway across the state (or so it seemed) to the ER at Carl Albert Indian Hospital in Ada. By the grace of God the doctor on call took me seriously. He said it could be my heart or my gall bladder or both. He put me on an aspirin regimen and told me to call his office and make an appointment. (This Doctor it turned out had a two year waiting list.) When I told the receptionist that he told me to call she made the appointment immediately. During the months that followed he and his staff treated me with dignity and professionalism. On more than one occasion he did an EKG and nothing showed. May God bless my Dr. Mason!~ My God is Able!~
One day he decided to try a test call an Echo Cardiogram or ECG. I learned from those tests that my aortic valve was severely closing. Because I do not live in the district they could only see me in the doctors office and I could not be referred out. So... back I came to the idiot doctor McB.to tell him because I needed his referral!! When I met with him he started the same old routine telling me there was nothing wrong with my heart. I had to set my foot down and tell him I was going to sign a release and have the test results faxed to him. He was so condescending and treated me like an idiot child. I went to the records and signed a release for the fax and left there feeling hopeless.
The very next morning I get a call from Dr. McB., who sounded almost in a panic. He said my tests showed severe damage and dysfunction in my aortic valve. NO KIDDING???
So, after months and months of this ordeal, He was finally ready to give me a referral and I went to see Dr. Kanaly the heart surgeon. Praise the Lord!~ Dr. Kanaly had the aura of a calm, peaceful, competent professional. He immediately showed me the "teflon coated" implant and said my valve was over 50% shut down. He also said I had a window of surgical success of three months. So, I knew it had to be done right away.
By this time I could barely walk down the hall without a rest. I would walk to the bedroom, stop and rest. Walk to the front room, stop and rest. My heart was pumping blood into the chambers and it was not pumping out fast enough so my heart was on overfill. It was very painful too.
In the few weeks leading up to my surgery, knowing the risks, I made my husband and my 11 year old grandson learn to do the laundry. :P Among other things.
The surgery was a success, obviously. I am so blessed to be here. Above all else I do believe that I was given a second chance to grow in my relationship with my God. The last five years have been a time of renewal for me. I am back in church, I have found what I sought for so many years. Amazingly, I found spiritual strength and so much more in my little United Pentecostal Church. Having grown up Baptist it is amazing the road I have traveled to get here.
During the days leading up to the surgery I felt so unworthy of God's grace that my prayer was not about me but about my grandchildren. I wanted to see them get just a little bigger. I have lived to see my first great grandson. I even take him to church with me. Praise the Lord!~
I have the Holy Ghost from my Jesus, to sustain me, comfort me, guide me, and love me. Oh!~ How I wish I could find a way to share this with others so they could understand what it is like to come through the darkness and into His beautiful light. Yes!~ My heart beats strong in more ways than one. My God is Able!~
God bless Dr. Paul Kanaly of Oklahoma City. He decided to replace my valve with a metal valve. Yes... I said metal. It is coated with something similar to teflon. LOL No joke. The beating of my heart and the flow of blood keeps the valve moving in motion with the rest of my heart. Personally, I think it is a God deal in more ways than one. The story of how I came to get an implanted heart prosthetic is now mind boggling to me. Since I lived it day by day the reality of how close I came to meeting my maker at the time is very real to me.
Most of my life I was pretty healthy, and rarely went to the doctor. But, as a child my parents were told I had a heart murmur, and that I had to be careful with athletics and such. Being a kid I thought it was all nonsense coming from the doctors. Well, about the time I hit the age of 45 I was having numerous health problems and then the heart trouble started. *sigh*
I went to the doctor repeatedly telling him about the chest pains. The doctor here at home finally told me there was nothing wrong with my heart. In fact, he said I needed counseling. He, Dr. McB. had labeled me as a hypochondriac for all the complaining. I had even made trips to the ER on a few occasions with chest pain and they too treated me as a joke. It was frustrating.
There is nothing so scary as having chest pains day or night and not knowing what to do about it. Thank God my husband took me seriously during the first part of this ordeal or I would have lost my mind. He would haul me to ER and or the doctor and they would listen and even do EKG's. Nothing showed up or sounded abnormal. So I was patted on the head and sent home. The final straw came one night when the chest pain was so intense I could barely breathe when I woke up. Later at the ER they called Doctor McB., and he told them to give me some kind of cocktail and send me home. Apparently the cocktail was a mix of drugs commonly given to pregnant women to subdue them??? I refused the drugs and left.
Not long after that it hit again, in the middle of the night. My Husband and I decided it was useless to go to that ER. So, he took me halfway across the state (or so it seemed) to the ER at Carl Albert Indian Hospital in Ada. By the grace of God the doctor on call took me seriously. He said it could be my heart or my gall bladder or both. He put me on an aspirin regimen and told me to call his office and make an appointment. (This Doctor it turned out had a two year waiting list.) When I told the receptionist that he told me to call she made the appointment immediately. During the months that followed he and his staff treated me with dignity and professionalism. On more than one occasion he did an EKG and nothing showed. May God bless my Dr. Mason!~ My God is Able!~
One day he decided to try a test call an Echo Cardiogram or ECG. I learned from those tests that my aortic valve was severely closing. Because I do not live in the district they could only see me in the doctors office and I could not be referred out. So... back I came to the idiot doctor McB.to tell him because I needed his referral!! When I met with him he started the same old routine telling me there was nothing wrong with my heart. I had to set my foot down and tell him I was going to sign a release and have the test results faxed to him. He was so condescending and treated me like an idiot child. I went to the records and signed a release for the fax and left there feeling hopeless.
The very next morning I get a call from Dr. McB., who sounded almost in a panic. He said my tests showed severe damage and dysfunction in my aortic valve. NO KIDDING???
So, after months and months of this ordeal, He was finally ready to give me a referral and I went to see Dr. Kanaly the heart surgeon. Praise the Lord!~ Dr. Kanaly had the aura of a calm, peaceful, competent professional. He immediately showed me the "teflon coated" implant and said my valve was over 50% shut down. He also said I had a window of surgical success of three months. So, I knew it had to be done right away.
By this time I could barely walk down the hall without a rest. I would walk to the bedroom, stop and rest. Walk to the front room, stop and rest. My heart was pumping blood into the chambers and it was not pumping out fast enough so my heart was on overfill. It was very painful too.
In the few weeks leading up to my surgery, knowing the risks, I made my husband and my 11 year old grandson learn to do the laundry. :P Among other things.
The surgery was a success, obviously. I am so blessed to be here. Above all else I do believe that I was given a second chance to grow in my relationship with my God. The last five years have been a time of renewal for me. I am back in church, I have found what I sought for so many years. Amazingly, I found spiritual strength and so much more in my little United Pentecostal Church. Having grown up Baptist it is amazing the road I have traveled to get here.
During the days leading up to the surgery I felt so unworthy of God's grace that my prayer was not about me but about my grandchildren. I wanted to see them get just a little bigger. I have lived to see my first great grandson. I even take him to church with me. Praise the Lord!~
I have the Holy Ghost from my Jesus, to sustain me, comfort me, guide me, and love me. Oh!~ How I wish I could find a way to share this with others so they could understand what it is like to come through the darkness and into His beautiful light. Yes!~ My heart beats strong in more ways than one. My God is Able!~
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