The "Apple of my Eye".

13Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

Today is the first day in weeks I have felt almost normal again. The heartbreak and despair has been a nightmare. I walked through the valley and although things are not back to normal, I am starting to live again. My heart still grieves for My Baby boy, but, I have finally found my emotional and spiritual legs again. I am glad that I stopped blogging for a while and no one reads this now. This is just a personal place to unload.

For the last several weeks I would get up and pray and read my Bible. It gave me strength and I would be ok. Then the fear and frustration, grief and loss would kick in and I was floundering in my faith. Some days I prayed over and over to get through. Other days I prayed then too, but I was so filled with grief, I just went through the motions.

I knew in my heart that I serve a God who is able. But, the weakness in me, the part of me that lacks stamina would fall into the negatives and I was reeling in so many tumultuous emotions. I have finally realized that this is a time of testing for me. And, a time of learning for the kids. I know that Baby was probably heartbroken when he was not allowed to see me and that added to my grief. The sense of powerlessness is sometimes the worst nightmare.

But, I know that in the last year, during prayers around and over BoBo, he was touched by the God I serve. I know that somewhere deep in his heart he will carry the love we shared. He will carry all the warm, cozy, happy memories to sustain him. I know I did, when I was taken away from my Grandpa, and rocketed into my culture shock experience as a child. I think that childhood memory has been part of my heartbreak, but, now, it has to be part of what will strengthen me. I carried Grandpa in my heart during all the years of twisted abuse. So, I know he will never completely forget all the love and happiness.

He was and is the "apple of my eye". I will never forget curling up at bedtime and watching his movies. He would pull on my ear and I would cuddle his two feet in my hand. Oh, how he loved a cup of chocolate milk from time to time at bedtime. He was soooooo goood. When it was time to go to sleep he would go right on in to his room to be put to bed. :)

Zechariah 2:8 (King James Version)
8For thus saith the LORD of hosts; After the glory hath he sent me unto the nations which spoiled you: for he that toucheth you toucheth the apple of his eye.


One of my favorite memories came one night when I was cooking dinner. He wanted to help and he was so little. I gave him a little potato, a paper plate and a butter knife. He sat at the table trying to peel that potato and said, "I cookin', Mema!".

He was always so good in stores and at church. I never had a problem with him acting out. Quiet and so well behaved was he. The day of the big blow up his mamma said he was a Brat and that he was kicking and biting and hitting. But, he did not do those things here. She said it was because we were spoiling him. ok...I serve a God who is able. I know he will watch over him, and hold him in his mighty arms.

I have come through the deepest, darkest time of my life. Through a childhood of mind blogging, cultural, social, and emotional confusion I never lost optimism. I never lived in despair or depression. Never, until this time of heartbreak. But, this time of test has taught me one thing. Hold fast to my faith in darkness, and seek his light. My mind was almost destroyed in this situation. I still hope and pray things will change and he will be back soon. Oh, how I love my great grandson.

4(For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;)
5Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;


My God is Able!~ My God is Able!~ My God is Able!~