New Years Resolutions!~ LOl

I have several resolutions I plan to try and work on in the upcoming year. One priority will be to post more to my blog. In May I had another EchoCardiogram and the test results were not so good. Not sure how things will go in the months ahead. So, for the sake of my children I will add to this as often as I can so they will have something of me in a printable form to use and share with each other if things go wrong sometime in the future.

Phillipians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

Albert is going home today!~ Praise The Lord!~

My niece Samantha has been through so much the last few months. Her mom, my sister Nancy passed away on September 23rd. The day we went to make funeral arrangements for Nancy, Sam's husband ended up in the hospital with pneumonia. He got better and was doing good for several weeks. Last Saturday he ended up back in the hospital with pneumonia again. He is getting out of the hospital again today. I know the emotional burden Sam has carried during the last few months of her young life has been great. I am so thankful for prayer partners who believed with me this past few days. Albert is going home and has been blessed. Praise God!~ My God is Able!~

Glory to God!~

I was listening to a radio program a couple of days ago on Creationism. I was pondering the message and it baffles me that there are people who actually think we evolve from monkeys, or lions, or rabbits, or snakes. hmmm

I did not evolve from a monkey, so I will try not to act like one.
I did not evolve from a lion, so I will not devour, roar, or destroy as one.
I did not evolve from a rabbit so I will not pro-create as such.
I did not evolve from a snake so I will not slither, poison, or defile as such.


I am a unique creation of the Great I Am. Made in His image as mankind is I hope to reflect his goodness, mercy, and compassion to my fellow man.
I am a child of The King, and will conduct myself as part of a royal family.
I am His and He is mine. I will remember this at all times.
I am Blessed to have found my way back to the foot of the cross, and I will rejoice without ceasing.

When He created the universe, the earth and all therein, He had me and you in mind. A Father who made a dwelling place for his loved ones.
When He breathes life into me on a daily basis, I will be thankful and remember this blessing.
When He sent Jesus to live, teach, touch and die on the cross, He had me in mind. I will be a blessing to those who have yet to realize his magnitude and compassion, and His love.
When He touches the world around me with his large and small miracles, I will be mindful and give thanks and praise to Him.

Glory to God!~
Glory to God!~
Glory to God!~
Glory to God!~

Recommended reading: Genesis ch. 1

"The Truth shall set you free."

finally got my password and whatnot fixed! whew!~

I made it in here after months of chaos. one thing for certain, no one is reading this blog now as it has been months since i posted. lol oh, well...i will continue to use it as a personal journal for the kids in the years ahead.

MY God Is ABLE!~

How time flies...

Today is my oldest grandson J's 22nd birthday. It boggles my mind that he is that old and that I too am so much older. He has a little boy, my BoBo who just turned three the end of last month.

AS is routinely said, I do remember when. I remember when he could not go to sleep and asked if he could sleep with me. J was the first one to call me Mema. A name that is known by all of the grandkids and everyone they associate with too. Even other kids' parents call me Mema. I can remember He was the one who was always dragging some friend home for supper, or to spend the night, or the week-end, or a few days. He was always trying to rescue some kid. He was big for his age and it was a real hindrance when he was very little. Everyone tried to treat him like he was older. But, after he got in school it was a blessing. Most of the bullies left him alone, and if a bully was tormenting someone he would rush to the rescue.

In his teen years he developed attitude and anger issues.(He is really working on that one). I guess all teens do that to some degree or other. His just lasted longer than most. lol In his teens He was always the one who wanted to rescue friends that were in trouble with life or friends, or parents. Even now, one of his best friends is a kid a few years younger who spent so much time at our house when he was little, he did not know we were not his grandparents. lol He even helped this one get a job a couple months ago with the company where he works .

He's always been very social. In fact it was a bit to his downfall. Too busy wanting to socialize to study. Now, it is a part of his life and who he is today. He still spends a lot of his free time trying to take care of his friends.

I wish so many things for him and his family. I so wish that he would get back in church. he went all the time when he was younger. Then as a teen he did not want to go and I made him. In fact, even if he had someone over on Saturday night, and he did all the time, I made him and his visiting friend(s) go to church. He told me that is why he doesn't go now. We all know the excuses.

But, I have to believe that those few times those kids went to church may someday help them survive in a time of crisis. And, I believe that at some point he too will find his way back to the foot of the cross. One thing is for sure, He knows the truth and someday, even if I have gone on, he will know where to look to find himself. And where to go to find me and how to get there. :)

In the meantime, I just keep praying for him, for his baby, my BoBo, and Baby Mamma. A Grandmothers prayer!~

Jacob and thoughts on the time of his death. (Genesis)

I was reading the end of Genesis ch48, this morning and I found a couple of scriptures that caught my attention. Jacob blessed Joseph's children, then blessed Joseph. Then in 48:16 he says "The Angel which redeemed me from all evil, ..." So, I looked at the cross reference verse and went to ch28:16. There it referred to the well know story of Jacobs Ladder. What caught my eye was the mention of the Ladder. The Angels of God were ascending and descending the Ladder from heaven, while God stood above and talked to Jacob. It made me think that Angels of God are 1) traveling back and from heaven to earth constantly,2) to do his will, and 3) they do not fly. Silly thoughts? Maybe. But, it made me stop and think. It also made me wonder if we will find quiet time, knowing that the angels are ascending and descending to minister to us, if we listen, can we hear the voice of God in our lives. I think it is worth a try to find quiet time with him.

The other thing I found in ch49 was after blessing Joseph and his sons, Jacob blessed his other sons. Then scripture tells that, "he gathered up his feet into the bed, and yielded up the ghost, and was gathered unto his people." He was blessed to know it was his time and blessed with the opportunity to give his children and grandchildren blessing and guidance. I don't remember reading this as a blessing given to any one else in the Bible immediately prior to their death. But, then the Ladder happened to only him too. He was blessed to be the inheritor of Abraham's blessing and that led to his being blessed over and over in his life. It led to his descendants such as Joseph being blessed and touched by the hand of God many times over.

I think of the events leading up to the Exodus from Egypt. Moses being saved by the daughter of Pharoah. Moses and the burning bush. All the plagues poured upon the Egyptians as a result of their imprisonment of the children of Israel. The Passover. The amazing parting of the Red sea , the pillar, the cloud, the manna from heaven, the quail, and the water from the rock. They were blessed with the Aaronic priesthood during this journey, taught sacrifice for sin, healings by direction and so many other blessings. The Ten Commandments. Direction for the House of God, i.e., the Tabernacle. The Sabbath. Laws to live by as an organized society blessed by God. The Covenant. Praise God!~ Moses blessed to behold God's glory.

Even modern day physicians use the emblem of the pole with the snake on it, which is also from a Biblical promise that occurred during their journey. Gong back farther into Biblical events we know that Abraham believed God's promise of his children being born by barren elderly Sarah, his wife, and so all of his decendants were blessed. Just the descendants of Abraham. But God had promised Abraham that all the nations of the earth would be blessed.

Genesis 22:18.
And in they seed shall all the nations of the earth be blessed; because thou hast obeyed my voice.

And in one earth shattering life, Jesus was born, lived, was crucified on the cross, died and rose from the dead. By his blood sacrifice, all of mankind was blessed. I don't know why all of this is on my mind, but, here it is and I just thought I should write it down in my blog.

Claiming these Biblical verses. Philippians 1:6 &John 18:9

Philippians 1:6
Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:

As I drove home from dropping my granddaughter off at school this morning, I was listening to Adrian Rodgers preaching on the radio. The sermon was on having confidence that he will see us through all obstacles in our faith walk.

But, for me as I meditated on the words of this verse I found that it holds promise not only for me but for my loved ones as well. I believe that his good work in my life started at a very early age. And, although the battle raged and still rages over my faith walk, I have seen how God has placed his hand on my life so many times over the years. I have been through so many trials, tribulations and testing that it is a wonder my scars are not pasted all over my person. But, here in my 58th year I walk closer to him that ever before. I seek him, I strive to be the Christian I should be. I still stumble, but, the "good work" he begun in me as a small child has seen me through and to a faith place that carries me and will carry me on.

So, knowing this, I believe that the "good work" he has begun in the lives of my husband, my son, my daughter, all my grandchildren, and even my great grandson will be fulfilled before the coming of Christ Jesus. I have lived to see and acknowledge the "good work" he has begun in three of my sisters and some of their children and grandchildren. Other relatives too. I just did not recognize it at the time and only now can see these times were but beginnings. He is the "Alpha" and "Omega", i.e., the beginning and the end in all things. All things includes those he has called out, and I have lived to see him call out some of my loved ones.

I also realize they will go through good times, and those times of testing, trial, and or tribulation. He brought me through and I know he will bring them through too. Oh, what comfort my Jesus brings.

John 18:9
That the saying might be fulfilled, which he spake, Of them which thou gavest me HAVE I LOST NONE.

Even in the Garden of Gethsemane when they came to arrest him, he protected his sheep the disciples. I think this scripture applies to all that have come to him in their lives. After his blood was shed on the Cross his claim on his sheep was bound not only in heaven, but, on earth as well. So, all those loved ones of mine struggling to find their way will one day, now or later, find their way back to the foot of the cross just like I did. Yes, the battle rages on, but Jesus is victorious!~

Hallelujah!~ Hallelujah!~ Hallelujah!

The Battle rages; Daniel's prayer for the people...and his fasting.

Daniel's prayer for the people...and his fasting.

I was reading Daniel chapter 9 recently to study on a Daniel fast. As I studied I realized that what is commonly known about this had never really sunk in my brain until now. He was praying and fasting and confessing not only his sin, but the sin of all Israel. The people had turned away and were living wickedly, following the evil worship and practices of the Babylonians. Daniel fasted, prayed and sought mercy and compassion for God's people. I had tried to study this before, but, I was so intent on trying to understand the method of a Daniel fast, I did not realize the intent and impact of this Daniel fast.

Wow!~ I have found new meaning for myself in regard to fasting. I was always doing the fast with one or two motives for family but, never fully realized I could to an all encompassing fast for my entire family. I am so moved by this new found knowledge. He confessed their sin. He fasted and prayed seeking a move of God. This chapter has so much guidance for so many areas, he was visited by the Angel Gabriel, and it leads into chapter 10 when Daniel fasted three weeks and has the vision of the Archangel Michael. And, on and on.

Silly I know, when there are countless numbers of Godly people who know and already understand all this. But, I had always started with the basic information at the beginning of chapter 10 to try and understand how to do a Daniel fast. I had never realized that the Daniel experience started not then at the three weeks, but, sometime earlier as shown in chapter 9, when he confessed his sin and all Israel's sin.

Chapter 9:
3 And I set my face unto the Lord God, to seek by prayer and supplications, with fasting, and sackcloth, and ashes:
4 And I prayed unto the LORD my God, and made my confession, and said, O Lord, the great and dreadful God, keeping the covenant and mercy to them that love him, and to them that keep his commandments;
5 We have sinned, and have committed iniquity, and have done wickedly, and have rebelled, even by departing from thy precepts and from thy judgments:
6 Neither have we hearkened unto thy servants the prophets, which spake in thy name to our kings, our princes, and our fathers, and to all the people of the land.
7 O Lord, righteousness [belongeth] unto thee, but unto us confusion of faces, as at this day; to the men of Judah, and to the inhabitants of Jerusalem, and unto all Israel, [that are] near, and [that are] far off, through all the countries whither thou hast driven them, because of their trespass that they have trespassed against thee.
8 O Lord, to us [belongeth] confusion of face, to our kings, to our princes, and to our fathers, because we have sinned against thee.
9 To the Lord our God [belong] mercies and forgivenesses, though we have rebelled against him;
10 Neither have we obeyed the voice of the LORD our God, to walk in his laws, which he set before us by his servants the prophets.
11 Yea, all Israel have transgressed thy law, even by departing, that they might not obey thy voice; therefore the curse is poured upon us, and the oath that [is] written in the law of Moses the servant of God, because we have sinned against him.
12 And he hath confirmed his words, which he spake against us, and against our judges that judged us, by bringing upon us a great evil: for under the whole heaven hath not been done as hath been done upon Jerusalem.
13 As [it is] written in the law of Moses, all this evil is come upon us: yet made we not our prayer before the LORD our God, that we might turn from our iniquities, and understand thy truth.
14 Therefore hath the LORD watched upon the evil, and brought it upon us: for the LORD our God [is] righteous in all his works which he doeth: for we obeyed not his voice.
15 And now, O Lord our God, that hast brought thy people forth out of the land of Egypt with a mighty hand, and hast gotten thee renown, as at this day; we have sinned, we have done wickedly.
16 O Lord, according to all thy righteousness, I beseech thee, let thine anger and thy fury be turned away from thy city Jerusalem, thy holy mountain: because for our sins, and for the iniquities of our fathers, Jerusalem and thy people [are become] a reproach to all [that are] about us.
17 Now therefore, O our God, hear the prayer of thy servant, and his supplications, and cause thy face to shine upon thy sanctuary that is desolate, for the Lord's sake.
18 O my God, incline thine ear, and hear; open thine eyes, and behold our desolations, and the city which is called by thy name: for we do not present our supplications before thee for our righteousnesses, but for thy great mercies.
19 O Lord, hear; O Lord, forgive; O Lord, hearken and do; defer not, for thine own sake, O my God: for thy city and thy people are called by thy name.
20 And whiles I [was] speaking, and praying, and confessing my sin and the sin of my people Israel, and presenting my supplication before the LORD my God for the holy mountain of my God;
21 Yea, whiles I [was] speaking in prayer, even the man Gabriel, whom I had seen in the vision at the beginning, being caused to fly swiftly, touched me about the time of the evening oblation.
22 And he informed [me], and talked with me, and said, O Daniel, I am now come forth to give thee skill and understanding.


... and leading into chapter 10 does the three week fast start, and where he is blessed and encounters the Archangel Michael:

Chapter 10
2 In those days I Daniel was mourning three full weeks.
3 I ate no pleasant bread, neither came flesh nor wine in my mouth, neither did I anoint myself at all, till three whole weeks were fulfilled.
4 And in the four and twentieth day of the first month, as I was by the side of the great river, which [is] Hiddekel;
5 Then I lifted up mine eyes, and looked, and behold a certain man clothed in linen, whose loins [were] girded with fine gold of Uphaz:
6 His body also [was] like the beryl, and his face as the appearance of lightning, and his eyes as lamps of fire, and his arms and his feet like in colour to polished brass, and the voice of his words like the voice of a multitude.
7 And I Daniel alone saw the vision: for the men that were with me saw not the vision; but a great quaking fell upon them, so that they fled to hide themselves.
8 Therefore I was left alone, and saw this great vision, and there remained no strength in me: for my comeliness was turned in me into corruption, and I retained no strength.
9 Yet heard I the voice of his words: and when I heard the voice of his words, then was I in a deep sleep on my face, and my face toward the ground.
10 And, behold, an hand touched me, which set me upon my knees and [upon] the palms of my hands.
11 And he said unto me, O Daniel, a man greatly beloved, understand the words that I speak unto thee, and stand upright: for unto thee am I now sent. And when he had spoken this word unto me, I stood trembling.
12 Then said he unto me, Fear not, Daniel: for from the first day that thou didst set thine heart to understand, and to chasten thyself before thy God, thy words were heard, and I am come for thy words.
13 But the prince of the kingdom of Persia withstood me one and twenty days: but, lo, Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me; and I remained there with the kings of Persia.
14 Now I am come to make thee understand what shall befall thy people in the latter days: for yet the vision [is] for [many] days.
15 And when he had spoken such words unto me, I set my face toward the ground, and I became dumb.

All this is just for the record, so I can refer back to my own thoughts on this later. Chapter 9:9,10 and vs 19 I claim for myself and for my loved ones. One note on chapter 10; Michael verifies for us that the battle between good and evil rages on and over us, just as exampled in the Book and life of Job. In the beginning of the Book of Job, the Old Testament tells of the conversation concerning Job that takes place between Our Lord God and Satan. Job Chapters 1&2. And I know, The battle rages...

I saw BoBo today!~

I saw BoBo today and it was such a blessing and answer to my prayers. The kids needed something that only I could provide so Baby Daddy called me. A signed piece of paper showing ownership to a vehicle motor. I happily and nicely agreed to give them what they needed. When Baby Daddy came I was pleased to see Baby Mama and BoBo at the door with him. I waited a couple of minutes after they came in and then I took His Mama by the hands and hugged her. I made the apology and prayed that God would recognize my peacemaking efforts. I would like to think that others would see me as a child of God. :)

Matthew 5:9 (King James Version)
Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.

It was in my own best interests and in BoBo's to apologize even though it was all started when she verbally jumped me here in my own home. Still, I lost my patience that day, so what really matters is that we have some sort of peace. BoBo did not want to leave, they did not offer to let him stay, and I did not ask. But, for now I know I saw him for over thirty minutes, he saw me and that has to be enough for the moment. It was an answer to my prayers.

My God is Able!~ Today I really rejoice and give him all the glory!~

We're all on the outside sometime somewhere...

Ephesians 2:19 (King James Version)
Now therefore ye are no more strangers and foreigners, but fellowcitizens with the saints, and of the household of God;

I was talking on the phone with a very good Godly lady friend over the week-end and we shared about those moments when you feel excluded. I was surprised when she told me that a young couple I know from her church got married. I did not know they were dating. I told her I was not part of the "loop". She told me she doesn't do Facebook because she sometimes felt excluded by various people. I told her I know all about feeling excluded. As a small child I learned that I did not totally belong to the white world, nor did I totally belong to the American Indians either. I am a half-breed. Back in the late 50's and early 60's that was almost tantamount to being black. I know that black people, or should I say African American, (don't know the pc term of today), have borne the burden of exclusion since early Biblical times. Heartbreakingly so.

I was born into a rural area of very poor white and Indian residents. Living miles apart there was a certain friendliness,borne of necessity, but, the social and cultural barriers were very real. I say necessity because in rural areas back then and even now, when times are hard or crisis hits you MUST rely on, and reach out to neighbors if possible. Some will ignore the social and or cultural barriers and do the right thing, the neighborly thing. Others will will stand staunch in their attitudes of division and indifference. I suppose this is true in cities as well, where large numbers of people are packed into smaller living areas too.

My feelings of exculsion occurred with children, and adults, from both sides of my families. Child taunts and comments, I now know were the direct result of their parental experience, and or social environment. It is so amazing to me in today's world to see countless people trying to research and develop their genealogies to clarify and document Indian heritage. wow!~ Sometimes it is almost comical. It is so mind boggling to meet so many people who will tell me they are the direct descendant of some Indian princess. Or so they've been told. The need to belong, the desire to belong, the longing for feeling a part of, is inherent in the human condition.

But, even with all the strides made in social equality when I walk into a room, I am not white in a room of white people. And, I am not Indian in a room full of Indians. I have experienced this in all aspects of living from the workplace to churches. And, sadly to say with the two families with whom I am related. I never quite belonged. Today at the age of 58, I am no closer to most of my family members on either side than I was years ago. I was never around many of my Indian relatives much while growing up. My sister M has the same problem as her situation was very similar to mine. I did not send out more than a handful of Christmas cards this year. I was too caught up in my personal drama to care. But, I realized it didn't really matter. I have no contact throughout the rest of the year, so, it is silly to stick out an olive branch once a year and get no response. And, I am ok with my decision. After all these years I am quite happy with my life as things are and my husband and children, are my world.

But as to the feelings of exculsion I have come to realize that everyone can have feelings of being on the outside depending on where they are at any given time. A white person in a room full of Asians, or Indians, or Blacks would or could feel excluded and visa versa. The same goes for people of a certain profession. lol. A prostitute would feel excluded in a room full of legal secretaries. A lawyer would feel excluded in a room full of wild-eyed, raucous bikers. A biker would feel excluded in a room full of white collar professionals and so forth. lol

So what am I driving at? All this babble about feelings of exculsion. Simply put, we all have hope in Jesus. I belong to him. His heart belongs to me. Even in a church where I don't know anyone and I may or may not ever get on a personal level with most of the people there, I still belong to the body of Christ.

There are churches that for whatever reason, be it social, cultural, physical, financial, or even differences in doctrine, or spiritual beliefs, I could never fully belong to the individual members and their given lifestyle, I am at one with my God. This is so crucial. It is the one true thing. This is the reason we are all here. I believe that the sense or feeling of exclusion is allowed to perpetuate itself so that if we are seeking him, truly seeking him, we will find that oneness with him. I fought so hard emotionally to find this place. In spite of exculsions, or whatever, I just keep seeking his face. Even when I felt excluded within a given church structure and it happens. I just kept seeking is face.

Hebrews 11:6 (King James Version)
But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.

Romans 8: 1
There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.

Most of us when we experience the feeling of exclusion, tend to look inward. What is wrong with me? Why am I not a part of the group or experience? etc. But, if we are in Christ and not living for the world, and truly seeking to grow in spirit will reach the point where the feelings of outsiderism (my term), or exclusion, find that it no longer matters if "they" want a relationship with us. Oh yes, we are to be there for each other but, to fully rely only on him. This is a hard place to get to without a lot of prayer and serious study of his will for our lives.

1 Corinthians 12:27 (King James Version)
Now ye are the body of Christ, and members in particular.

This is not to say we should not turn to other church members or other Christians, because we should. But, just not to expect them to be perfection in every given situation. Because With prayer requests alone, a church can see a person through a crisis. A given ministry within a church group can be the crucial thing to emotional survival and physical well being. Such as a women's ministry for a mother in need, or a youth group or the men's ministry, etc. A Pastor within a church cannot be all things to all people. He is only human and as such, while called by God to lead, is still limited by the human condition. As we all are.

I Corinthians 12:26 (King James Version)
And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honoured, all the members rejoice with it.

I write this for my daughter and my sister. I hope and pray that when the time comes they will find this bit of thought processing to be helpful. I leave this as a prayer of words from St. Paul, for them, and the good Godly women, who are and have been examples of his love for me.

Philippians 4:3 (King James Version)
And I intreat thee also, true yokefellow, help those women which laboured with me in the gospel, with Clement also, and with other my fellowlabourers, whose names are in the book of life.

"...for they shall see God."

Matthew 5:8 (King James Version)
Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.

These words from the Bible are so comforting. For all those parents and grandparents out there who suffer the loss or separation from a child for whatever reason, this should bring comfort. Just to know these words of spiritual guidance spoken by Jesus himself in the Sermon on the Mount. Wow!~

I visited my best friends parents church last Sunday morning and this is the scripture Pastor Kirbo based his sermon on. Now, his sermon was about seeing God. He talked about how Moses, and a select few, such as prophets, had personal encounters with Almighty God. He taught how we should seek his face. He encouraged everyone to study and work at developing a personal relationship with God. I am being brief here as I am not a theologian and would not want to try and relay his entire sermon. However, it was a very good sermon and I could not do it justice.

But, my revelation this morning was in relation to my situation with BoBo and his parents. As to small children, I believe all little children are pure in heart. Most people would agree with me. AS small children they have not ingested all the evil that we as adults have compromised out minds, lives and hearts with. So it brings me great comfort to know that all the little ones, here, there, and everywhere, may be able to see the face of God. Perhaps they do. One cannot know for sure. But, it brings me comfort to think that they do and they can. It is for certain the babies and little ones who have gone on are now cherished in the arms of the Almighty.

It makes my heart happy to think that BoBo as a small child who is no doubt pure in heart, can see God. Oh, what a blessed thought. I would think that parents or grandparents who have lost a small child would also find great comfort in this verse.

Just ridin the waves...

Sometimes life will through you a curve and you have to be ready. My last post was Wednesday afternoon and I was in a wonderful place. Later that evening I found out that the kids are thinking of moving two hours away with BoBo. My heart just plummeted. Fear and anxiety just had me reeling for some time there. I had to do a lot of praying to get back on track emotionally. There is a job opportunity there for only a dollar more an hour. But, who will be there to help with the little things. I pray they take time to think this through and use a little common sense.

I've been doing my Bible study and have started writing down some of my thoughts on what I read. I think in the days ahead I will start a separate label section here to record some of my own thoughts on what I'm reading. It will be good for me to have it down somewhere more permanent than my little throw away notebooks.

I found a book during the holidays while shopping and it is a Bible reference word guide. It is so good. It adds to the use of my Biblical concordance and is a great book. I went back and bought one for my cousin and my sister. I know this will help both of them too. On bad days I use it to refer to words like fear, and faith, or, some such word. The references to Angels alone had me prowling my Bible cover to cover for some time and I was astonished at all the information I gleaned. It has really enhanced my reading as it has scripture references that are not always in the back of my Bible. What a find. I plan to go and try to find more so I can give them to others. It was only $5.00 and a real bargain at that with over 3,700 word references. The title is:
Where To Find It In The BIBLE, The ultimate A to Z resource, author Ken Anderson.

I found it at the Dollar General store of all places. Wow!~ I now think of it as my bluebook, as the cover is a pastel blue.

ok, just a couple minutes til the herd bears down on me. Papa got off early today and is picking up granddaughter and a couple of her friends from school. They should be here shortly and as teenage girls are they will be on the move when they get here. They will be ready to roll as it is Friday afternoon. I wonder where they will all end up before the evening is over. One house or the other I am certain, but as yet I do not know which Mamma will be the host. lol

I still pray for BoBo sometimes from moment to moment. Others I stand so firm in my faith that all is well.

The "Apple of my Eye".

13Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

Today is the first day in weeks I have felt almost normal again. The heartbreak and despair has been a nightmare. I walked through the valley and although things are not back to normal, I am starting to live again. My heart still grieves for My Baby boy, but, I have finally found my emotional and spiritual legs again. I am glad that I stopped blogging for a while and no one reads this now. This is just a personal place to unload.

For the last several weeks I would get up and pray and read my Bible. It gave me strength and I would be ok. Then the fear and frustration, grief and loss would kick in and I was floundering in my faith. Some days I prayed over and over to get through. Other days I prayed then too, but I was so filled with grief, I just went through the motions.

I knew in my heart that I serve a God who is able. But, the weakness in me, the part of me that lacks stamina would fall into the negatives and I was reeling in so many tumultuous emotions. I have finally realized that this is a time of testing for me. And, a time of learning for the kids. I know that Baby was probably heartbroken when he was not allowed to see me and that added to my grief. The sense of powerlessness is sometimes the worst nightmare.

But, I know that in the last year, during prayers around and over BoBo, he was touched by the God I serve. I know that somewhere deep in his heart he will carry the love we shared. He will carry all the warm, cozy, happy memories to sustain him. I know I did, when I was taken away from my Grandpa, and rocketed into my culture shock experience as a child. I think that childhood memory has been part of my heartbreak, but, now, it has to be part of what will strengthen me. I carried Grandpa in my heart during all the years of twisted abuse. So, I know he will never completely forget all the love and happiness.

He was and is the "apple of my eye". I will never forget curling up at bedtime and watching his movies. He would pull on my ear and I would cuddle his two feet in my hand. Oh, how he loved a cup of chocolate milk from time to time at bedtime. He was soooooo goood. When it was time to go to sleep he would go right on in to his room to be put to bed. :)

Zechariah 2:8 (King James Version)
8For thus saith the LORD of hosts; After the glory hath he sent me unto the nations which spoiled you: for he that toucheth you toucheth the apple of his eye.


One of my favorite memories came one night when I was cooking dinner. He wanted to help and he was so little. I gave him a little potato, a paper plate and a butter knife. He sat at the table trying to peel that potato and said, "I cookin', Mema!".

He was always so good in stores and at church. I never had a problem with him acting out. Quiet and so well behaved was he. The day of the big blow up his mamma said he was a Brat and that he was kicking and biting and hitting. But, he did not do those things here. She said it was because we were spoiling him. ok...I serve a God who is able. I know he will watch over him, and hold him in his mighty arms.

I have come through the deepest, darkest time of my life. Through a childhood of mind blogging, cultural, social, and emotional confusion I never lost optimism. I never lived in despair or depression. Never, until this time of heartbreak. But, this time of test has taught me one thing. Hold fast to my faith in darkness, and seek his light. My mind was almost destroyed in this situation. I still hope and pray things will change and he will be back soon. Oh, how I love my great grandson.

4(For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;)
5Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;


My God is Able!~ My God is Able!~ My God is Able!~